


All This, My Love, in Fear of You

by ElsaIsThereLifeOnMars



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: 13 loves her wife, Action/Adventure, Angst, Canon Compliant, F/F, Fix-It, Fluff and Smut, Partial Mind Control, Past Brainwashing, Post Darillium Pre Library, Psychological Trauma, River Song Being River Song, Slow Burn, Space Wives, The Fam doesn't trust River
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:07:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 36,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24631291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElsaIsThereLifeOnMars/pseuds/ElsaIsThereLifeOnMars
Summary: A chance meeting in the biggest shopping centre in the galaxy, a dead body and a confused assassin. It seems as though something or someone has triggered River Song's childhood conditioning. It's up to the Doctor and the Fam to work out who is behind it. Maybe the Doctor can finally undo the damage she was responsible for so long ago and get some more time with her wife before she sets off to the Library.
Relationships: The Doctor/River Song, Thirteenth Doctor/River Song
Comments: 139
Kudos: 293





	1. Dead End

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I'm so excited to finally have a longer project again. The premise sort of developed out of the short story Inner Demons from the Thirteenfanzine prompt week making me think about River's conditioning and how much it effects her for the rest of her life and such. In River's timeline this is set post Darillium pre Library, in the Doctor's timeline this is post Timeless Children, but she's out of prison already.  
> I've tagged it E for future smut as part of the plot, bit of slow burn and angst first lol.
> 
> Really hope you enjoy this, I'm excited to see where it's going, I do have a plan lol. Please let me know what you think!

Chapter 1: Dead End

“I will admit, that did not go according to plan.“ The Doctor nearly slammed into the Tardis console struggling to slow down from their mad dash to the Tardis. The doors of the blue box slammed shut behind Ryan who was the last of the Fam to get to safety before it jumped into the time vortex. 

“That was…“ Ryan panted trying to catch his breath, he dropped onto the small set of stairs next to Graham who looked white as a sheet and about to pass out.

“A really beautiful planet…“ Yaz carried on for him as leaned against one of the large crystal arms. “Lovely, all that nature and the sentient trees until -„

“Yeah well, how could I have known this was the exact day the Faeros came to town. Bloody fire balls, so temperamental. Look at my coat!“ The Doctor examined her coat that had several small holes burned into it by flying ember. “That was my favourite coat!“ She took it off looking genuinely upset. 

“That is your only coat,“ Yaz commented slowly catching her breath now. “We bought it for you, remember?“

“Multiplied it. Did you really think I only had one outfit?“

“Yeah, kind of.“ Ryan shrugged.

“Should we not go back and help them, those Faeros were burning everything to the ground.“ Yaz asked feeling bad that they had just run away.

“No, best not to get involved in this one, too many variables, very complicated the Elemental War, that would be seven volumes right there if you wanted to write a sci-fi epic. Turns out alright though in the end, don’t worry. Plus room for a sequel.“ She picked up a custard cream from the console and started fiddling with the controls to see where the Tardis was actually going as it had just taken off by itself to get them to safety. 

“How is it that whenever we’re meant to be going somewhere nice, things just go up in flames?“ Graham asked. 

“That’s not true, there have been times we’ve been to places and things went perfectly fine.“ The Doctor replied defensively. 

“Name one.“ Yaz said.

“Uhm…“ She took a moment to think. “New Year’s Eve, looking at all those different firework displays!“ She exclaimed triumphantly. 

“Ended in a Darlek trying to conquer Earth.“

“Yeah, guess that’s not the best example… anyway, there are many more nice places to see, far away from burning forests.“

“Where are we going now?“ Ryan asked realising they were mid-flight. 

“Not actually sure…“ The Doctor admitted. “The Tardis does have a mind of her own sometimes…“ She didn’t have time to investigate further as they landed in that very moment. The doors swung open by themselves. “Alright, don’t have to be so pushy.“ She rolled her eyes at the Tardis and made her way to the door. “I think we’re good Fam, no fire balls in sight.“ She stuck her head out looking around as the Fam came up to join her. 

“Looks like a futuristic shopping centre…“ Yaz commented and the Doctor nodded. 

“Not sure why we’re here but certainly looks much less threatening. Look, you can get floating candy floss!“ She exclaimed pointing to a stand not far from them. 

“How about a spot of lunch then.“ Graham liked the sound of that as they didn’t exactly have regular mealtimes. The others shrugged and nodded, the Doctor was already off getting her candy floss. 

“LOVE candy floss.“ She exclaimed. “It’s fizzy, try it!“ She held it out to them.

“Alien candy floss, is that safe for us?“ Yaz eyed it suspiciously whereas Ryan stuffed a bit in his mouth. 

“Where are we?“ Graham asked looking around, taking in the hustle and bustle of it all. The shopping centre had so many levels, they could hardly make out the ground floor, they weren’t too far off the top. There were countless shops, a whirl of colours, noise and people. Most of them weren’t human, some not even humanoid. “Meadowhall of the future?“

“Looks like Capitalism. Actual planet.“ She sniffed the air. “52nd century I’d say.“

“A planet called Capitalism?“ Yaz repeated in disbelief.

“You can get everything you ever wanted, they literally stock everything, every brand in the universe.“ The Doctor explained. “Tried to find a Christmas present here once… took two weeks to decided, just too much choice.“

“Of course you did…“ Graham’s head was spinning. 

Suddenly there was screaming on the other side of the level they were on.

“Here we go.“ Yaz said, and the Doctor added -

“That must be the reason why the Tardis took us here.“ They started sprinting towards the commotion. People were crowded around something, several calling for help. “Shopping Centre Security, let us through!“ The Doctor called out waving her psychic paper around as they pushed through the crowd. There was a man lying on the floor, a pool of blood quickly spreading around his head from a perfect headshot, he was definitely dead. The Doctor looked around, there had to be a shooter somewhere while Ryan and Graham checked for vital signs that they knew they weren’t going to find. 

“Up there!“ Yaz pointed about three levels above them, her police training kicking in. A figure in a dark jumpsuit was running away. 

“Let’s go!“ The Doctor called to the Fam and they ran towards the escalators. She pulled her sonic from her pocket and zapped the escalators to go quicker. 

“Seriously - can’t - take - all - this - running…“ Graham gasped as they reached the third level up.

“That way.“ Yaz pointed and they soon realised they were heading for the service staircase to the roof. 

“Only another 5 floors, come on!“ The Doctor urged them on as they spotted the mystery assassin running up the stairs a few flights above them, clearly heading for the roof. 

“Is it police policy to follow a gunman if you’re unarmed?“ Ryan asked breathing heavily and Yaz shook her head. 

“I’m sure the Doctor has a plan though…“ The figure had made it to the top, only a couple of flights to go.

“It’s a dead end, stop!“ The Doctor shouted sprinting onto the open space of the rooftop. She looked around, there was no other way down apart from the stairs they had just climbed. Ryan, Yaz and Graham followed close behind, blocking off the entrance to the stairway. The Doctor turned back to the person they had been chasing who was climbing the edge of the rooftop terrace looking for a way down. Unfortunately these shopping centres were like sky scrapers. The Doctor could see the shooter properly now, the jumpsuit revealed the curves of a woman, the wind blew her hood back, uncovering unruly curls. “Don’t jump! I won’t be there to catch you this time!“ The Doctor took few steps closer raising her hands. 

River looked around, her wild curls flying through the air. She stared back at her and the Doctor froze in place. There was something not quite right with her, she could tell instantly. For a moment, her expression was blank, it was like she was looking right through her, her eyes like voids, icy and unfeeling.

“Hello there psychopath River, haven’t seen you in a long time…“ The Doctor mumbled to herself as she managed to shake the initial shock, she took a step closer. In response River pulled a gun on her. “Alright, no need to be like that.“ The Doctor stopped in her tracks. 

“Doctor…“ Yaz sounded worried. 

“It’s alright, you guys just stay back, she’ll snap out of it in a minute.“ She focused her attention back on River. “I hope anyway…“ This wasn’t newly regenerated psychopath River who had never met the Doctor, no she was much older than that, this was her River, this was Professor River Song who she had spent 24 years on Darillium with, she was sure of it. What had happened to her? She couldn't worry about that right now, she had to deal with the situation at hand. “River, please put the gun down and try to remember. This is not you anymore, you’ve moved past this.“ She tried to reason. “It’s me, I know you probably haven’t seen this face before but it’s me, I’m the Doctor.“ There was a flash of something in her wife’s eyes, a flash of memory, recognition perhaps, at least she hoped it was. 

“What am I…“ For a moment River looked confused, looked at the gun in her hand, looked back at the Doctor, almost as if she was recognising her for an instant but then, she was gone again and tightened her grip around the hilt of the gun. 

“River, River, it’s okay, you need to focus and fight it, you’ve done it before, you can do it again.“ The Doctor insisted feeling reassured that her wife was in there, behind the programming and conditioning. Something had reactivated it, triggered it. “You are Melody Pond, you are Amy and Rory’s daughter, you’re an archeologist, a professor, you have saved my life countless times…“ River’s finger hovered over the trigger. “I’m the Doctor and you are River Song, please remember.“ She pleaded trying to reach River, her River, reminding her of who she was.

“Doctor…“ River’s voice as shaky, she dropped the gun and the Doctor sprinted forwards pulling her off the ledge. “Doctor, what’s going on?“ River was confused, she clearly had no recollection of what had just happened or what she was doing here. She looked down herself. Why was she wearing a dark jumpsuit and had a sniper case strapped to her back? “What have I done?“ She looked back at the Doctor who shared her clueless expression.

“It’s okay, it wasn’t you, we can figure this out.“ The Doctor tried to reassure her but in all honesty, she didn’t have the first idea where to start. “Let me just take this…“ She reached out and undid the strap of the gun case and realising what she was doing River took it off and handed it over. “Fam?“ The Doctor looked around for the Fam.

“Fam?“ River repeated in amusement.

“Shut up.“ The Doctor rolled her eyes at her and River held up her hands defensively. “Some help here?“ She called back to them. They rushed over to them and the Doctor handed the case the Ryan as Yaz picked up the abandoned hand gun from the floor. “Okay, that’s better…“ The Doctor released a breath that she hadn’t even realised she was holding. She had no way of knowing if River would stay as herself now or switch again so taking her weapons away was a good start. River looked around taking in their surroundings, trying to figure out where they were and what was going on. She was slowly feeling like herself again and she needed answers. 

“52nd century?“ River asked turning back to the Doctor.

“Looks like it.“

“Who did I kill?“ Ryan, Yaz and Graham exchanged looks of discomfort at how easily she said that.

“Don’t know yet, had to chase you down first…“

“Right…“ River sighed. Looking over Capitalism’s skyline before focusing back on the Doctor. “Loving the new body, sweetie.“ Her voice turned more flirty. She looked her up and down and the Doctor grinned despite the serious situation. 

“Thought you might.“ 

“Might need to take a closer look.“ River smirked taking a step closer running her hands along her suspenders. 

“Is that really safe?“ Ryan interjected confused as to what was going on. This woman had held the Doctor at gunpoint an minute ago and was now getting dangerously close. 

“Probably not.“ River admitted herself sounding rather disappointed as she took her hands off her clothes. She didn’t trust herself right now, how could she?

“What’s the last thing you remember River?“ The Doctor asked brushing a strand of her wild hair out of her face. 

“I don’t know… I was back at Lunar, I had gotten back from Darillium not so long ago…“ She answered slowly. She tried to hide the disappointment from her voice at their time on Darillium coming to a close but couldn’t quite manage it. She did, however, feel an incredible sense of relief at seeing the Doctor again now, maybe their story didn’t have to end just yet. 

“Well, someone or something is really messing with your head then.“ The Doctor pulled out her sonic and scanned River. “No tech, no unusual readings…“

“All in my head then.“ River chuckled trying to play it off. 

“We don’t know that.“

“We do know that, you know it’s always there, at the back of my mind…“ 

“Doctor, what’s going on?“ Yaz asked needing an explanation. 

“I don’t know but we will find out… we need to be careful in the meantime.“ She reached into her coat pocket and pulled out a pair of handcuffs. River raised her eyebrows in amusement.

“Do I want to know why you carry handcuffs with you?“ Graham asked.

“I can think of a fair few uses.“ River smirked and held out her hands to her. “By all means Doctor, if it makes you feel better. Shame I’ll be able to get out of them though.“ 

“Yes but it might buy us a few minutes if you lose your head again.“ The Doctor retorted cuffing her.

“More like seconds.“ River corrected her tucking at the restraints a little to see what she was dealing with.

“Really? Seconds?“ The Doctor sounded impressed and couldn’t help but smirk. 

“With the right incentive… Twenty seconds to get out of these, thirty till I have you on your back.“ River winked.

“Are you actually flirting right now?“ Yaz interrupted them utterly bewildered. She had never seen the Doctor like this, engaging in flirty banter, it was weird and with someone who had just murdered another person!

“Yes, right, okay, sorry, where were we… yes, we need to figure out what’s happening here, what you’re doing here, what we’re doing here…“ The Doctor realised. 

“Well to be honest Doc, what’s happening is that she just killed someone, professional assassin style.“ Graham said pointing to the sniper case. “Where’s the 52nd century police?“

“It’s not always black and white, Graham, there is much more to this. For a start, River here is not an assassin…“ The Doctor replied and then thought better of what she had just said. “Okay, that’s not technically true, she is, but she wouldn’t just kill anyone. Do you know who that man was that you shot back there?“

“I barely remember doing it.“ River answered, genuinely concern in her voice. What was happening to her? 

“Can’t really hold you accountable if you don’t remember doing it.“ The Doctor carried on the argument. She knew there had to be more to this than met the eye. Something or someone else had been in control of River’s body or at the very least awakened her darkest instincts that she had managed to lock away long ago. 

“Are you just gonna believe her?“ Yaz asked, the police officer inside her rearing her head. “She could just be saying that.“ 

“I think we can all agree she was in a trance can’t we.“ The Doctor pointed out sounding almost offended that she was questioning her. 

“She could have put it on.“ She carried on unfazed by her protest.

“I like her.“ River pointed at Yaz with an amused smirk.

“River, stop it. We haven’t got time for this.“ The Doctor rolled her eyes.

“No, dear, I didn’t put it on, feel free to put me in a truth field.“ River pointed out keeping her eyes on Yaz.

“I trust her, like i trust all of you.“ The Doctor added. 

“Who is she?“ Ryan asked feeling like they were missing a vital bit of information to make sense of this situation.

“Yes, Doctor, who am I?“ River smirked, enjoying seeing her wife under pressure to explain.

“Not important right now, really no need to discuss that at all, right now, or later, so… we should go back and check the body, see what we can find out, if there is a reason why you killed him.“ She tried to distract. It wasn’t that she didn’t want the Fam to know about her wife, it was just… a lot to explain when they had limited time. 

“Raise your hands above your heads, all of you!“ A stern voice sounded behind them and they spun around. River just raised her eyebrows. Five men in military style uniforms emerged from the stairway, assault rifles raised. 

“I’m already in handcuffs boys, no need for this.“ River held up her hands slightly amused and dropped them to her front again. Ryan and Graham were quick to raise their hands, Yaz was unsure and the Doctor just frowned. She didn’t like the way this day was going. 

“Get onto your knees Professor Song, you’re under arrest!“ River rolled her eyes. She was in no mood to go back to Stormcage. That new chef that they’d had the last few months of her lengthy stay had been dreadful. 

“Who are you?“ The Doctor demanded to know.

“Security Services, we have been tracking Professor Song here, I’m sorry to say we weren’t quite in time.“ The man at the front, apparently their leader, spoke.

“Then maybe you can tell us what happened to her before she got here? Where have you been tracking her from.“ She asked hoping they could shed some light on what had happened. 

“Please, Ma’am, step back, thank you for your assistance but we will take it from here.“ He ignored her request. 

“No thanks, I got her first, she’s my prisoner now.“ The Doctor crossed her arms in front of her chest. “My responsibility, see.“ She pulled out her psychic paper and waved it around. “We’re security too so you better share intel.“ She stepped in front of River defiantly having a closer look at their rank insignias and uniform. It looked oddly familiar. They were more military than shopping centre security. 

“Darling, are you sure this is a good idea…“ River said quietly.

“No-one is taking you anywhere until we figure out what’s going on.“ She told her sternly. 

“Doctor, surely it’s best to just let them do their job…“ Yaz tried to get the Doctor to move pulling the side of her coat.

“You’re the Doctor?“ The soldier asked surprised. 

“Yes… Doctor Smith.“ She answered slowly trying to come up with a cover. “Doctor of criminology, actually, hunting down serial killers like the Professor here. We were meant to keep that quiet, you know, don’t give too much away.“ She shot a sideways glance at her companions. “Guess the cover is blown.“ One of the soldiers pulled out what looked like a bio scanner and pointed it at her. “Come on now, that’s just plain rude.“

“Affirmative, she’s a Time Lord.“

“You guys are no fun.“ 

“Well, looks like this is going to be a lot easier than expected.“ In an instant, the Doctor realised the severity of the situation as they unclipped their safeties. 

“Oh no you don’t!“ She quickly pulled out her screwdriver and sonic-ed them, just in time for their guns to jam. “Guys we need to go!“ They didn’t need asking twice, Ryan, Yaz and Graham sprinted towards the stairway as the soldiers dropped their weapons and went for their handguns. They got past the five men quickly who didn’t seem to ever bother with them, instead they closed in on the Doctor and River. “River…?“ The Doctor used her sonic again but she knew the trick would probably only work once. 

“Way ahead of you sweetie.“ She retorted launching herself at the nearest soldier knocking her elbow into his jaw, she didn’t waste time undoing the handcuffs, instead she picked up the laser blaster he’d dropped and turned the dial before taking two shots and dodging an energy blast herself as their guns started firing again. Two down, three to go. 

“I hope you set that to stun and didn’t crank it right up…“ The Doctor shouted. River didn’t answer, instead managed to shoot another soldier and she pushed the Doctor behind her shielding her. There wasn’t anywhere for them to go, they were nearing the edge of the rooftop and she couldn’t keep her gun aimed at both the remaining men at once as they advanced. 

“I really wouldn’t.“ River threatened.

“Stand down Professor Song.“ One of the soldiers shouted. 

“Historically, is that something I’ve been known to do?“ She shot back grabbing the gun with both hands now. 

“River…“ The Doctor felt her adrenaline spike. 

“You can’t take both of us.“ The other soldier informed her as they stepped further apart, forcing her to move in between them. River narrowed her eyes, calculating how long it would take her to make two shots, which one of them was quicker? Who to go for first?

Suddenly two shots rang out and the two of them dropped to the floor.

“I really hope that was the stun setting…“ Yaz said a little shakily as she lowered River’s gun.

“Told you, I like her.“ River pointed out and the Doctor took a deep breath of relief.

“Right, let’s get out of here before their friends get here, back to the Tardis.“

“Hope you didn’t park too far away.“ River commented as they hurried to get off the roof before the soldiers woke up again.

“Tardis chose the parking spot herself, right next to the floating candy floss.“ The Doctor explained and her wife chuckled. 

“She knows you too well.“


	2. Failsafe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your lovely comments on the first chapter and all the support, I really hope you will like this next part <3

Chapter 2: Failsafe 

The Doctor, River and the Fam rushed down the service staircase and rejoined the crowds in the shopping centre at the level they knew the Tardis to be on. The Tardis was on the other side of the walkway and it was already surrounded by men in uniform. Fortunately it was very busy and they blended into the crowd well enough. The Doctor took her coat off and put it around River’s shoulders in an attempt to hide the not so subtle assassin outfit. 

“Gonna need a distraction…“ She mumbled. “Not you.“ She pointed at River who was just about to suggest something. 

“Drones.“ Ryan said.

“Drones?“ She looked at him confused.

“Yes drones!“ He pointed at a shop not far from them entitled “World of Drones“ that seemed to stock any sort of remote control flying object you could possibly imagine. 

“Brilliant!“ The Doctor exclaimed and pulled out her sonic. “Be ready to run!“ 

“Why again, with the running?“ Graham groaned but before he could protest any more, the Doctor snuck closer to the shop and used her sonic to switch on every single drone in the store. Shopkeepers and customers alike started shouting and screaming as the machines took off in a buzzing swarm, bumping and hitting into things on their way out of the confines of the store, into the larger shopping area. It was absolute mayhem. People were ducking and jumping out of the way, calling for help and running away. The commotion quickly swept across the shopping level and kept spreading. The soldiers didn’t know where to look or what to do but knowing it couldn’t be a coincidence they split up to investigate leaving only two behind to guard the Tardis. 

“We can take them.“ River said confidently, she was still holding the gun she had stolen earlier. 

“Let me have that.“ The Doctor had completely forgotten she still had it and quickly took it off her. 

“You don’t even know how to shoot.“ River protested and the Doctor passed it on to Ryan.

“Yes and I don’t intend to learn. Here, Ryan, it’s just like Call of Duty, remember?“ 

“Cool.“ 

“Can we get going?“ Yaz asked worried they would miss their window of opportunity. 

“And quickly.“ River confirmed as the soldiers were already circling back around. Moving with the crowd they hurried closer to the Tardis.

“So how are we planning to…“ Graham was about to ask about the final two guards but the Doctor was already well ahead of him.

“Hi there fellas, may I ask what you’re doing loitering outside my front door.“ She asked and the two man raised their rifles at her. Ryan and Yaz lifted their guns slowly in return but before anyone could do anything, the Tardis came to life and swung it’s doors open with full force knocking the two men down. “Let’s go!“ The quickly stepped over them and rushed inside the Tardis, the doors locking behind them. 

“Neat trick.“ Ryan commented silently relieved that there had been no need for him to actually use the gun. 

“Let’s get out of here.“ The Doctor said as she stepped up to the controls. 

“Redecorated again have you?“ River asked as she had a look around the Tardis. She couldn’t help but notice how the warm light of the crystal structures picked up the Doctor’s blonde hair.

“Yeah, you like it?“ The Doctor responded and pulled down the lever to set the Tardis going leaving Capitalism behind.

“Very nice.“ River smiled and stepped up to the console placing her hand against it, the Tardis greeting her with a low hum. 

“I’ll have that back now if you don’t mind.“ The Doctor realised as she looked at River that she was still wearing her coat. She pulled it off her wife’s shoulders and put it back on herself. She didn’t feel quite right without it. 

“I’d rather you be taking clothes off than putting more on.“ River winked and her wife did her best to hide her blush. 

“So now that we’re in the relative safety of the Tardis, can I ask who the hell you are?“ Yaz interrupted crossing her arms in front of her chest. 

“You can ask.“ River responded playfully. 

“Doctor?“ Graham looked at the Doctor expectantly, she owed them an explanation.

“Fam, meet Professor River Song, River, meet Ryan, Yaz and Graham.“ She introduced them to each other. 

“Hi.“ River gave a little wave with a still handcuffed hand. 

“Yes we know her name, how do you know each other?“ Graham asked.

“Ah well that’s a bit more complicated.“ River chuckled and looked at her wife. “Care to explain dear?“ The Doctor didn’t really care to explain, she wasn’t big on sharing but she knew she had to give them something. 

“River and I have come across each other a lot, our timelines are muddled, we keep having to check with each other where we are because she travels in time as well.“

“Is she a timelord too?“ Ryan asked. 

“No, she’s not.“ The Doctor shook her head. “Well actually, sort of, yes, but not how you think, we’re not from the same planet, her DNA sort of mutated because…“

“I’m human, I was able to regenerate before but gave it all up to save her life when she was still a man and I’d poisoned him.“ River interjected and the Doctor gave her a frown. “What? You weren’t exactly being very clear.“

“Neither was that, to be fair…“ Ryan said.

“Did you just say you had poisoned her once?“ Graham needed to clarify.

“And saved her. No harm, no foul.“ River shrugged. 

“What’s important is that when River was a baby she was kidnapped by an organisation called the Silence and they…“ She stopped mid sentence as she had an epiphany. “Of course, the Silence, the Church of the Papal Mainframe, that’s where I’ve seen those uniforms before, it’s been bugging me this whole time!“

“The Kovarian Chapter…“ River realised she was right.

“But why?“

“Why not? Reasonable assumption as they were the ones who kidnapped me in the first place.“ River pointed out and the Doctor shook her head unsure. 

“True but I thought that was all over with. Last time I saw them they were fighting alongside me at Trenzalore for the better part of 900 years, The Papal Mainframe, the Church of Silence, whatever you want to call them, they…“

“That’s why you look so old then.“ River smirked.

“Oi!“ The Doctor exclaimed. 

“Well, you are older than I’ve ever seen you.“

“I’d been to Trenzalore already when we went to Darillium so not that much older thank you very much.“ She huffed. “Who is in control of the Papal Mainframe now?“

“Tasha Lam but I wouldn’t know what happened to her after Trenzelore… what remained of them?“ River asked as she didn’t know the ins and outs of what had happened on Trenzelore apart from what was general knowledge. 

“Not much of anything…“ The Doctor admitted feeling bad for Tasha all of a sudden, she had never found out whether she had managed to overcome the Dalek inside her. “They must have rebuilt. We need to find out more about this…“ 

“Is it just me or did that not clear much up?“ Graham mumbled to Ryan who just shrugged. 

“Do you two realise that you have a tendency to forget about everyone else around you?“ Yaz interrupted the two women. 

“Sorry, brain ran away with me.“ The Doctor scratched the back of her head a little embarrassed. 

“It happens.“ River added casually.

“We know.“ The Fam said in unison.

“Right, okay.“ River half smiled. “Now, for a start, can I go get changed? I’d rather not look like a assassin anymore.“

“Why? It’s quite flattering.“ The Doctor piped up.

“But not the most subtle if we’re gonna go and investigate the Papal Mainframe.“ She argued.

“Fair point.“ The Doctor retorted. 

“I’ll struggle in handcuffs, could you taken them off now?“ River held out her hands to her expectantly. 

“Only if one of us comes with you.“ The Doctor considered the request. 

“Come along then.“ River smirked.

“So that you have an opportunity to attack her while you’re alone?“ Graham interjected. 

“Unless attacking is a euphemism, that’s not what I had been thinking about.“ River retorted in amusement. 

“I’ll come with you.“ Yaz picked up her gun again and gestured for her to go ahead. 

“Yaz, there is really no need for guns in here.“ The Doctor held up her hands. 

“Well I disagree.“ She replied. 

“So do I.“ River said. “I think I might have a better solution than keeping me at gun point until we find out what’s happening. We will need to stop off at Lunar.“ 

“I’ll set a course.“ The Doctor said and uncuffed her.

“Thanks Sweetie.“ River winked and pressed a brief kiss to her cheek before walking into the corridors of the Tardis followed by Yaz, leaving the Doctor behind with her head spinning. 

———

“Wardrobe hall is that way…“ Yaz pointed out as she realised River was going the wrong way. 

“Not going to the wardrobe hall.“ She answered as if it was a ridiculous suggestion in the first place.

“Then where? You must have travelled with her a lot to know your way around here so well.“ Yaz said following her, she was walking quickly and she struggled to keep up. The professor didn’t even seem to notice the gun pointed at her back anymore. 

“In the past, yes.“ 

“When she was still a man.“ Yaz deducted. 

“Yes.“

“Does it bother you she's a woman now.“ She had to ask, there was clearly something going on between the two of them. 

“Not in the least.“ They reached the Doctor’s bedroom, Yaz immediately felt awkward, she had never been inside here, it was her private space but River just walked in as if it was nothing. She made her way to the wardrobe. “Should have some bits in here…“ She pulled out a simple slacks and blouse combo that she remembered staying behind one time when the Doctor had sent her back to Stormcage in a state of undress just to annoy her. 

“No funny business.“ Yaz felt the need to say something and not overthink the fact that this woman’s clothes were in the Doctor’s bedroom. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.“ River smirked as she undid the jumpsuit. Yaz felt herself blushing a little but she tried to focus on the job at hand. “You travelled with her long?“ River asked casually as she stepped out of the suit and reached for the slacks. 

“A while.“ Yaz replied. 

“There’s quite a few of you this time around.“ River commented. 

“Is there usually less?“

“One usually, maybe two. She must have been feeling lonely.“

“Look, I don’t trust you, no offence. I still don’t really know who you are and the Doctor might be falling for the flirting but…“ Yaz felt the need to say. She didn’t know how she felt about this mysterious woman. She seemed to know everything about the Doctor, intimately so, and yet the Doctor had never mentioned her. There was undeniable history and attraction between them but until now, the Doctor had never spoken of or shown romantic interest in anyone. It was probably hard to entertain romance when you were an immortal time traveller. 

“Good.“ River said as she pulled up her trousers. 

“Good?“

“Yes, good. She needs friends that look out for her. And at the moment, I don’t trust myself.“ River admitted. 

“Well, good… She’s been through a lot recently and we care about her.“ Yaz took a deep breath, feeling reassured that she was doing the right thing. 

“Yes, I imagine a lot has happened since I last saw her…“ River’s voice trailed off. Unlike for her, a lot of time seemed to have passed for the Doctor since Darillium, not all of it pleasant by the sounds of it. 

“She doesn’t really talk about her past, recent or otherwise, she seems to prefer to just shut herself off from it.“

“Yes that has always been the way…“ River pulled her white blouse over her shoulders. Her eyes fell onto the Tardis shaped diary on the nightstand and she wandered over to it. She ran her fingers over the faded cover considering if this was a good idea. She picked it up, just a peek at the table contents couldn’t hurt could it? Find out where the Doctor was in her time stream, what was yet to come…

“River.“ A voice sounded from the door. Both Yaz and River spun around to see the Doctor. “Put it down, you can’t look in there.“ 

“Seriously? Still? We must have done it all, both of our diaries are full!“ She protested. 

“What is that book?“ Yaz asked feeling like she was missing something.

“My diary.“ The Doctor answered holding out her hand to River.

“It’s how we keep track of our timelines.“ River explained and reluctantly handed over the book.

“Must be an exciting read.“ Yaz said but neither of them responded.

“We’re at Lunar, we should get going.“ The Doctor tried to change the subject as she slipped her diary into her coat.

“Great, right, let’s go.“ River smiled. 

“River.“ The Doctor stopped her before she could walk out the door. 

“What?“ She stopped in front of her in confusion and the Doctor reached out to do up her buttons that she had clearly forgotten about as she’d gotten sidetracked. “Keep up with that gun, Yaz.“ River winked at Yaz and walked past her wife. 

———

“Nice office.“ The Doctor commented as they stepped out of the Tardis. River’s office at Lunar University was light and comfortable with antique furniture and shelves upon shelves of books. “More first editions?“ She walked up to the shelf on the left having a look at her collection. 

“Perks of being a time traveller.“ River smiled and walked up next to her. “Not what we’re here for though…“ She reached for a book in the middle of the shelf and pulled it out about halfway. The lower half of the shelf swung open revealing a safe. 

“Well that’s handy.“ Graham commented.

“What have you got in there?“ The Doctor narrowed her eyes. 

“Oh you know, this and that…“ She inputted a string of numbers and pressed her hand to the scanner. The safe opened revealing a number of documents, some jewellery, several guns and her Tardis diary. 

“Are those the earrings you stole during that cruise trip we took, I thought you’d given those back!“ The Doctor exclaimed. 

“Well… I may not have actually returned them like I said I would.“ River admitted. “Sorry.“ 

“River!“ 

“What? They’re pretty and worth a fortune.“ She dug around a bit ignoring the Doctor’s cross expression. “Aha!“ She pulled out a small suitcase and closed the safe.

“That looks mysterious…“ Yaz observed as River took the case over to her desk. She unclipped it and pulled out what looked like a medical injection gun. 

“What are you doing?“ The Doctor asked suspicious of the whole thing and came up to stand by the desk to have a closer look. 

“Removing the need for the gun.“ River answered as she adjusted the instrument and placed what looked like a small capsule into it.

“And what is that?“ The Doctor frowned sensing she wouldn’t like the answer. 

“Remote control cyanid capsule.“ River explained and before anyone could protest she injected it into the back of her neck.

“River!“ The Doctor exclaimed in shock. 

“In case something happens, in case you haven’t got another way of stopping me.“ She winced, it clearly wasn’t the most comfortable procedure. She put pressure on the injection sight and placed the instrument back in the case before retrieving a small device that she slid open to reveal a keyboard. She typed something and then threw the device to the Doctor across the table. “Catch.“ She caught it rather clumsily, nearly dropping it. “Hold on to that for me, it sets the activation password. Keep it away from me.“ 

“River, this is crazy.“ The Doctor insisted. 

“No, it’s not, this way you don’t have to keep a gun on me, put it down Yaz.“ She waved at Yaz who looked just as shocked as the rest of them. Then she turned back to the Doctor and explained: “If I lose it, you have a kill switch. If I try to dig it out, it’ll automatically set off, it’s pretty failsafe. Pretty expensive too.“ 

The Doctor shook her head in disbelief. 

“It’s just a precaution, I don’t expect you to actually kill me. Nothing has happened since the rooftop, maybe it was a one time thing.“ She shrugged trying to play it off. 

“What if someone says the word by accident.“ Graham interjected. 

“That won’t happen.“ River shook her head confidently. 

“What’s the password?“ The Doctor asked reluctantly. 

“The answer to a question, the first question.“ River answered slightly amused and the Doctor rolled her eyes despite the seriousness of the situation. 

“Fine.“ 

“The best kept secret in the universe.“ River smiled and the Doctor nodded. 

“I don’t get it.“ Ryan interjected. 

“It’s my real name. The password.“ The Doctor explained. “And we’re the only two people in the universe that know it.“ She looked at River and her wife looked back at her. 

“It’s okay Sweetie, I trust you.“


	3. Clues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor and her companions visit an old friend in the hopes of getting some answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Thank you all for your wonderful comments, they make my day and keep me motivated!! <3 Pretty quick update this time, hope you enjoy it, please let me know your thoughts! :)

Chapter 3: Clues

The Doctor placed the small device River had given her in her inside pocket. She would lock it away somewhere in the Tardis later, it wasn’t safe to keep on her. The activation password was set, they had no need for the device unless they needed to change it again and she couldn’t risk River knowing where it was. She hated having to think like this, it put them right back at the start of their relationship where she - he - hadn’t been able to trust her. And yet, she was overwhelmed by the trust she placed in her. She was putting her life in her hands to the extend that she only had utter a word to end her life. Would she be able to do that if it ever came to it? She didn’t intend to find out. They had to discover the truth behind all this and undo whatever had been done to her. 

“Right, let’s look around for clues?“ The Doctor clapped her hands together, they had to get a move on. 

“Well how about this?“ Yaz caught everyone’s attention and pointed to the little sofa and coffee table on the other side of the office. They had been so preoccupied, they hadn’t even looked around properly to notice that papers and books were lying on the floor and a smashed tea cup. Clear signs of a struggle. 

“Well done PC Kahn, you’re professional training is certainly coming in handy!“ The Doctor grinned and hurried over to her. She pulled out her sonic to scan the crime scene. “Various DNA samples, plenty of people, is it possible you were abducted from here?“

“Would make sense, it’s the last place I remember being.“ River said and walked back around to the computer on her desk. 

“CCTV?“ Graham took a lucky guess as she started typing logging into the system.

“Most certainly.“ She grinned as she pulled up the video files. 

“Why do you record people in your office?“ The Doctor asked with a frown. 

“You’ve seen what’s in that safe.“ River chuckled as everyone gathered around the screen. “How far back?“ River asked as she had lost all concept of how long it might have been. She selected the camera to showed the seating area.

“Try 4 days?“ The Doctor suggested checking the readings in her sonic again and River rewound to the right day and started fast forwarding through waiting for something to happen. “There, run it from there.“ The Doctor said when River appeared in the frame. They all leaned in closer. On screen River was in the process of spreading out various documents on the coffee table. There was a stack of books and she poured herself a cup of tea, she looked to be doing research. There was a flash and several men, dressed in the same uniforms as the ones they had encountered, stepped into the frame. River rose to her feet quickly demanding to know what they were doing in her office. There was a quick exchange, they demanded she come with them without delay which she obviously refused. A fight broke out as they tried to grab hold of her.

“Nice moves.“ Ryan commented as they watched her fight off the attackers. The documents and books spilled over the floor and the cup smashed like they had found them. Just when it looked like River had fought all of them off three more figures moved into the screen, they were wearing robes and hoods.

“They look like monks!“ Graham pointed out slightly amused and the Doctor nodded.

“The Headless Monks.“ She clarified. The heads or lacks thereof were hidden by their hoods but she was sure of it. River watched the scene in silence, it was a surreal experience watching herself like this and not remembering any of it. 

“Why are they called that then?“ Ryan asked confused. Just then on screen one of the monks zapped River with a red energy charge and she fell to the ground unconscious. The monks waited for the soldiers to recover who got to their feet slowly and in another flash, they teleported away, taking River with them. 

“Who do we know that has a connection to the headless monks?“ River looked over to the Doctor with a smirk.

“He should still be in the 7th Transept.“ The Doctor mused realising who she was referring to. 

“What are we doing?“ Graham asked.

“Seeing an old friend who might be able to shed some light.“ The Doctor answered feeling better for finally having something to go on. The Papal Mainframe, or whatever remained of it, were responsible for all this and it was time to get some insight about what had happened to them since Trenzalore. “Back to the Tardis.“

“Let me pack a bag before we go.“ River interjected looking around her office for what she might need.

“No weapons. You shoot quicker than I speak so you’re not allowed weapons still.“ The Doctor retorted and bopped her on the nose.

“You’re no fun.“ River sighed but felt her heart lift a little at the familiar gesture. “Never mind then.“ 

“Hang on a minute.“ Yaz stopped them as they were about to get back into the Tardis. She picked up some of the papers from the floor that River had been working on in the video. “Could this be of interest?“ She held them out to River who took it to have a read while the Doctor glanced over her shoulder. 

“I think that’s… that’s an expedition I’m meant to go on.“ She vaguely recalled reading these files. 

“The Library.“ The Doctor said and her heart sank even just seeing the pictures of the place.

“Have you been?“ River asked looking at her curious.

“Not recently…“ She tried to evade the question but she realised they would have to get River back on track. She had to go to the library. As much as she wanted her to just bypass the events, their first meeting had to take place so the rest of their timeline could. She felt like the air was knocked out of her and she turned away towards the Tardis.

“Probably won’t bother with all of this happening now, it would have been interesting but…“ River sighed.. 

“You’ll be back in time for the expedition, we’ll get this cleared up and just pop you back at the right place in time.“ The Doctor found herself saying almost automatically. 

“I suppose…“ River mused having another look at the documents before she placed them back on the coffee table. “Let’s get going.“

——

“So how about the Doctor having an actual name?“ Ryan mumbled to Graham standing in the Tardis. 

“Yeah and how come we don’t know it.“ He agreed as they watched the Doctor and River working the Tardis console. “Plus she can fly the Tardis, why won’t she teach us?“

“I just don’t think we’re quite the Doctor’s type.“ Yaz commented. 

“You what?“ Ryan looked at her confused.

“Professor Song however…“ She nodded towards River and the two boys just stared at her.

“Yeah I mean she’s flirty with the Doc alright but doesn’t mean it’s mutual.“ Graham retorted. 

“When I went off with River so she could get changed, she walked right into the Doctor’s bedroom like it was nothing. There were clothes of hers in the wardrobe.“ Yaz told them.

“You serious?“ Ryan asked bewildered. None of them had ever thought of the Doctor as being involved with anyone. The most intimate they had seen her with anyone was with the Master and they intimately hated each other. 

“And the Doctor came in and did up her shirt for her. And she was definitely looking.“ Yaz continued as if it was incriminating evidence. 

“Well, you know, she’s an attractive woman.“ Graham pointed out. “Can’t blame her.“

“They must have a lot of history for her to just put her life in her hands like that.“ Yaz mused. River hadn’t even shown the slightest hint of hesitation, no remorse, no second guessing, at giving the Doctor that ultimate power over her. “To have trust like that…“

“But can we trust her?“ Graham felt the need to ask. “The whole assassin stuff, the content of that safe, she even poisoned the Doctor once, she said, remember?“

“I think it’s a lot more complicated than we realise. Must be difficult when your meetings are all jumbled up and you don’t know what the other has already experienced.“ Yaz pointed out and the others nodded. 

“We best keep our guard up, things aren’t exactly gonna get any easier are they.“ Ryan said and they nodded again. 

“What are the three of you whispering about?“ The Doctor looked over to them with a frown. 

“Just wondering where it is we’re going.“ Yaz called back.

“You’re about to find out, we’ve just landed.“ River said.

“Didn’t feel like we landed.“ Ryan sounded confused. “Doesn’t it usually make that wheezing noise when it lands.“

“It’s not meant to make that noise.“ River chuckled.

“I love that noise.“ The Doctor interrupted defensively. 

“She leaves the breaks on.“ River pointed out and winked at the Doctor who pulled a face at her. 

“She leaves the breaks on.“ She mimicked her. “Well, it’s my Tardis, I will fly it how I like.“

“Of course dear, just don’t come complaining to me when your brake pads need replacing.“ She made her way to the door. “Shall we?“

——

“Ok so this may officially be the creepiest place we’ve been so far…“ Ryan observed as they made their way through the catacombs. The walls were lined with shelves upon shelves of skulls. Dead roots and branches cracked under their feet and the skulls turned in their spots as if they were watching them. 

“Try and be quiet, don’t draw too much attention to us.“ The Doctor whispered feeling rather tense. It really wasn’t the nicest of places. 

“So uhm… when you said this has something to do with the headless monks… did you actually mean…“ Graham tried his best to stay in the middle of the path, keeping equally far away from the skulls to each side. 

“Yes, this is where they keep the heads.“ River nodded matter-of-factly while shining a flashlight ahead as they walked into a sort of room that had several wooden boxes on pillars in the middle of it. 

“So they actually are headless?“ Yaz felt the need to confirm but neither River nor the Doctor responded, they focused on a box to the right and stepped up to it. The Doctor pulled out her sonic and directed it at the box, some sort of locking mechanism seemed to unlock. The front of the box opened revealing a head. 

“I don’t know what I expected.“ Yaz mumbled feeling a little bit sick. The head didn’t move and looked rather unhealthy. 

“Is it meant to be blue?“ Ryan asked. 

“Yes that is his natural skin tone.“ The Doctor answered and knocked against the side of the box. “Wakey wakey Sunshine.“ No reaction. 

“Dorium, long time no see.“ River said a bit louder but the head didn’t react.

“Is it dead?“ Graham whispered.

“No, he’s ignoring us.“ The Doctor concluded and held up her sonic again giving off another pulse.

“Oi! Who turned the wifi off?“ The head sprang to life making the Fam jump. He looked around at the group of people in front of him. 

“Did no-one ever tell you it’s rude to keep the telly on when you have visitors?“ River asked slightly amused. 

“Oh if it isn’t Professor Song, what a delightful surprise!“ The head looked from her to the Doctor. “And who is this?“

“Hello Dorium.“ The Doctor smiled. “Wifi not so excellent anymore?“

“Doctor, I should have known, you’ve grown your hair out.“ 

“Among other things.“ She chuckled. “You wouldn’t mind answering a few questions would you, in regards to the Professor here?“

“Well, I’m not sure how I can be of service. I have been sitting here since you dropped me off.“ Dorium didn’t like the idea of being pulled back into one of the Doctor’s adventures. Last time he had, it had cost him his head! Or his body. Depending on how you looked at it. 

“You must have some information about me Dorium, how else would you know I’m a professor now? Last time we met it was Doctor Song still.“ River deducted with a sly smile not letting him get away with it. 

“Well alright yes, I keep appraised of things.“ He rolled his eyes. 

“We need to know what the Headless Monks and the Papal Mainframe are up to these days.“ The Doctor asked straight out. 

“Under new management having rebuilt after Trenzalore. I believe Tasha Lam finally succumbed to the Dalek inside her.“ Dorium answered hoping to get rid of them as quickly as possible. 

“Sounds like you’re well informed.“ The Doctor observed surprised at how much he knew of what had happened on Trenzalore.

“I haven’t got much else to occupy my time.“ Dorium looked like he was shrugging but it didn't come across very well without shoulders. 

“Then I’m sure you know they paid me a visit.“ River took a step closer.

“I had heard rumours of that, yes.“ He admitted. 

“And do you know why?“ The Doctor pressed on. 

“Oh come now Doctor, surely there can only be one explanation for why they keep pulling Professor Song back into their clutches. It’s because of you.“ Dorium said as if it was obvious. 

“Because of me?“ 

“'All in fear of you', isn’t that what you said Professor? At Demon’s Run?“ He looked at River who remained silent. “I mean, I had been newly beheaded at the time but I was listening as I was being carried off.“

“Do you have any idea what they’ve done to her.“ The Doctor kept going.

“I honestly wouldn't know… But did anything even need to be done? I imagine they were just trying to update her mission details.“

“I swear to God Dorium, if I find out you had anything to do with this…“ The Doctor stepped closer threateningly.

“I didn’t, I swear it, you know me Doctor, I would not betray you, I have always been on your side. The Papal Mainframe seems to be… going a bit off book if you ask me, this new woman is a bit, well, what’s the word… crazy. The Kovarian Chapter was a rogue splinter, this is the entire Church we’re talking about now.“ Dorium actually sounded rather concerned, there seemed to be much more to this. 

“Who is this new person in charge?“ River asked. 

“I’m afraid I don’t know. Some new sort of high priestess like Tasha Lam before her.“ 

“Madame Kovarian perhaps? Reigniting the war against you now that Tasha is gone?“ River suggested looking at the Doctor.

“Possible, the timeline she died in was erased, she might still be out there.“ She mused.

“My sources would have told me if it was Madame Kovarian, I’m sure.“ Dorium sounded sceptical. 

“Well, only one way to find out then, we pay them a visit!“ The Doctor clapped her hands and immediately stopped when all the skulls turned in her direction reacting to the noise. 

“Good luck finding them Doctor, even I don’t know where they are.“ Dorium said.

“We will find a way. And you my friend are coming with us.“ She grinned and picked up his box.

——

As they stepped inside the Tardis, the Doctor handed Dorium off to River and made her way to the control console. River in turn handed the box off to Yaz before she could protest and followed after her wife.

“Why am I stuck with the head?!“ Yaz put the box down at the top of the stairs and opened the front of it so he could see at least. She still couldn’t believe there was an actual live head in that box. 

“So how do you expect to find out where they are?“ River asked. 

“That will be step two, step one comes first.“ The Doctor retorted and started pulling things out from under the Tardis console. 

“And what’s step one?“ River sighed not sure if she wanted to know. 

“Finding out what’s happened to you before Capitalism obviously.“ The Doctor said as if it was obvious and her wife rolled her eyes. 

“We can literally accomplish that by skipping to step two.“

“I want to try and restore you memories.“ The Doctor explained gesturing at all the equipment she had brought to light. River raised her eyebrows and shook her head. 

“There is a very slim chance of doing that without knowing how they were wiped.“

“But not impossible. If it doesn’t work then we go knocking on their front door but I’d rather know what I’m dealing with before confronting an army of religious fanatics.“ 

“And you have an idea of how you want to do this.“ River sounded doubtful looking at the pile of stuff. 

“Several actually.“ She grinned and pulled out what looked like a scroll. She held on to the top and it unrolled stopping just short of the floor. “I’ve made a list.“

“Very dramatic.“ River retorted dryly. 

“I love it when they do that in movies to emphasis the length of a list.“ She grinned excitedly.

“We will be here all night.“ River groaned in annoyance. 

“Got anywhere else to be?“

“I can think of things that are much more fun to do all night than… “ She picked up the bottom of the list and read: “Hypnosis?“

“Won’t know unless we try.“ The Doctor retorted in a sing-song voice. “Come on, this will be fun.“

“Your concept of fun continues to elude me.“ River sighed and gestured at the varied equipment. “You do realise I’m not a big fan of being poked and prodded.“ Even after all this time, she still woke some nights having nightmares about her time in the orphanage. “As fun as all of this sounds, you do realise the most likely way they did it was by using the Silence, right?“

“Yes…“ The Doctor admitted. 

“In which case you won’t be able to restore it.“ 

“What even is this Silence they keep going on about?“ Graham asked the others feeling out of the conversation again while River and the Doctor kept arguing the finer points of her plan. “And this mysterious Church, they probably don’t even realise that they never bothered to explain any of this.“

“A long time ago, the Doctor’s companion Amy was kidnapped by the Church of the Papal Mainframe also known as the Church of Silence. In captivity she gave birth to a child, who would grow up to become our dear Professor Song here. The Doctor raised an army to rescue them. They succeeded in rescuing Amy but her daughter remained with them and was trained and conditioned for the sole purpose of one day killing the Doctor.“ The Fam had completely forgotten about Dorium when he launched into this explanation. 

“That was actually very useful, thank you!“ Yaz looked at him actually amazed. This were falling into place a bit more.

“That makes a whole lot more sense now.“ Ryan agreed.

“And then, did she or didn’t she kill her?“ Graham asked. 

“Depends on which version of reality you look at, she didn’t which created a paradox and nearly destroyed the universe and then she did but the Doctor found a way around it as usual. She did go to prison for it.“ Dorium said casually and the three of them exchanged bewildered looks. 

“So she’s not actually a bad person then?“ Yaz wanted to know. 

“That depends on who you ask.“ Dorium answered looking back over to the Doctor and River bickering. 

“Come on River, put the helmet on.“ The Doctor held out what looked like a helmet with numerous antennae and electrodes. 

“I will be doing no such thing, my hair won’t fit!“ River argued back. They could all tell this would take a while.

“I’m gonna make a sandwich.“ Graham decided and wandered off in the direction of the kitchen.


	4. Connection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Thank you for your lovely comments!! For those waiting for it, here is some smut as the Doctor and River finally have some alone time ;)  
> Hope you enjoy this chapter, please let me know your thoughts! <3

Chapter 4: Connection

“It’s not working.“ River groaned exasperated. “I don’t remember anything but it’s making me taste the colour green and it’s horrible, I much prefer red.“ 

“Such a warm colour, very tasty.“ The Doctor chuckled and pulled off a set of electrodes that she had attached to her wife’s temples. She crossed another thing off her list.

“Colour of passion.“ River retorted with a smirk. She looked around. They had been at this for hours and the Fam must have gotten bored, they hadn’t even noticed them leaving. It was very late, they had probably gone to sleep, even Dorium was snoring in his box. “So speaking of…“ River drew the Doctor’s attention away from the pile of equipment as she took a step closer to her. She reached out and grabbed hold of her wife’s hips under her coat. 

“River…“ The Doctor was about to protest as she’d lost sight of the prongs she’s been looking for but she forgot all about it when River pulled her forward and kissed her. Her lips were soft and familiar, the kiss loving and tender. The Doctor felt all sorts of conflicting emotions coming over her, joy, yearning and excitement as well as sadness and anxiety remembering her wife was technically on her way to the library and the looming fear of what was happening to her. She pushed the negative emotions aside and allowed herself to just enjoy the moment, now that it was finally just the two of them. She kissed her back and pushed her hands into her curls. 

“Hm… and you taste yellow, like sunshine on a spring day.“ River mused, her senses still all over the place. She raised her hand to her cheek and brushed her fingertips over her soft skin as they kissed again slowly, savouring the moment. 

“I’ve missed you River.“ The Doctor confessed resting her forehead against hers closing her eyes. For a moment she forgot all about why they were here and what they were doing. She looped her arms around her neck, pressing her body into her, inhaling her scent while River embraced her and held her close. 

“How long has it been for you?“ River asked softly and the Doctor just shrugged.

“Too long…“ She kissed her again more deeply, it had been so long. River had only just left Darillium whereas the Doctor had been through so much since then. She wanted nothing more than to tell her wife everything, have her help her make sense of things. Gallifrey, her complicated past, being the timeless child, whatever that meant… and even before that what happened with Missy, thinking maybe she had managed to make her see the error of her ways… only to have the Master return the way he had… so much had happened since Darillium that she had yet to deal with, that she kept putting off. 

“I’m here now.“ River reassured her in between kisses. She ran her hands up her body and eased her coat off her shoulders. Gently she pushed her backwards against the console. “Let’s make the most of it, hm?“ She untucked her wife’s t-shirt. The Doctor’s hearts picked up speed, suddenly she was beginning to feel hot and tense. Was this what arousal felt like in a female body? She hadn’t experienced it before, not that she remembered anyway having only the limited memory of her past twelve regenerations that had all been male. 

“Well, this is gonna be interesting.“ She breathed, she couldn’t deny how much she was enjoying this role reversal of sorts and she could tell River felt the same way, her eyes were gleaming with mischief. She slowly pulled down her wife’s suspenders and pushed her hands underneath her top. 

“I like this new body.“ River hummed against the shell of her ear as she pushed her t-shirt up. 

“Shall we maybe, uhm…“ The Doctor suddenly felt very conscious of where they were, the Fam could walk in at any moment, she blushed. 

“We’re all alone Doctor.“ River chuckled trailing kisses down her throat. 

“Not quite…“ The Doctor gestured towards Dorium who was snoring still. River laughed softly and stepped away from her for a second. She picked up her wife’s coat and reached into the pocket for her sonic screwdriver. She directed it at the box and with a thud, the door closed leaving Dorium in the dark. 

“Better?“ She raised her eyebrows and the Doctor nodded.

“Yeah…“ River turned back to her and kissed her again, harder this time, more demanding and the Doctor moaned into the kiss as she parted her lips. She didn’t struggle this time when River pulled her t-shirt off over her head. 

“That’s certainly an upgrade you’ve had.“ River smirked blatantly looking her up and down. She bit her bottom lip, her wife was stunning, her pale soft skin glowing in the eyrie golden light of the Tardis. Her intense graze made the Doctor blush self-consciously. She had never really thought or cared about her appearance but she felt a distinct thrill at seeing the effect it had on her wife. She reached out and started undoing the button’s of her wife’s blouse. River helped her slide it off her shoulders before she grabbed her by the hips and lifted her up onto the edge of the console. They kissed again and she stepped in between her legs leaning into her more. She brought her hands down to undo the button of her trousers. Suddenly the Tardis gave a loud wheezing sound making them both jump. Evidently they weren’t as alone as they thought. They couldn’t help but laugh a little. 

“Maybe we should go to my bedroom?“ The Doctor suggested pulling away from her with a chuckle. 

“No… we might fall asleep.“ River hummed capturing her lips again, wanting to keep going. 

“What’s wrong with that? You’ll need to sleep at some point.“ The Doctor pointed out in amusement. 

“Yes but not next to you.“ River retorted and kissed the side of her neck again.

“Why not?“ There was genuine hurt in the Doctor’s eyes and she pushed her wife back a little and made her look at her. 

“Because what if I snap in the middle of the night while you’re asleep and helpless and I kill you? That’s why.“ River shot back annoyed, she didn’t want to have to spell it out for her. She didn’t mean for it to come across so bluntly but she needed this not to be a discussion. 

“River, come on, that’s just…“ 

“Don’t say it’s ridiculous because it’s not, it’s one thing while you’re awake and able to defend yourself to stop me, totally different story when you’re asleep.“ She shook her head defiantly. The Doctor remained quiet for a moment considering her argument.

“Fine, okay, you’re right…“ She said at last unable to think of a decent counter argument. “No falling asleep…“ She leaned forward and kissed River again, reassuring her. “But I’m not scared of you River.“ She whispered, she didn’t know if her wife needed to hear that but she thought it important anyway. No matter what had happened to her, no matter what she was capable off and no matter what was yet to come, she wouldn’t let it get between them. 

“You probably should be…“ River mumbled, her voice heavy, she looked away for a moment, needing to gather herself. 

“Well, I’m not.“ The Doctor took her face in her hands and made her look at her. “That’s just what it’s like to be married to your own bespoke psychopath.“ She winked and River couldn’t help but chuckle. “And now Professor, can we get back to it?“ She took River’s hand and placed it on top of her bra. A smirk spread across River’s face at last. 

“Well, Darling, if you put it like that.“ She leaned forward and kissed her again squeezing her breast through the fabric. The Tardis wheezed again, not very happy that they were carrying on on the console. 

“Hey, who turned off the light?“ Dorium called from his box having been woken by the Tardis.

“Oh no.“ The Doctor giggled. 

“Doctor? Professor Song? I can hear you, open the box!“ Dorium didn’t sound pleased at all. 

“Can we go to my room now, please?“ The Doctor whispered burying her face in River’s neck thoroughly embarrassed. 

“No falling asleep though.“ River warned her sternly. 

“I don’t intend to do much sleeping.“ The Doctor retorted with a wink and River smile lifting her off the console. 

“I can hear you out there, what’s going on?!“ Dorium demanded to know.   
“Middle of the night Dorium, we’re gonna get some sleep!“ The Doctor called grabbing her wife’s hand to pull her along to the corridor.

“At least give me the wifi password!“ Dorium shouted but they were long gone. 

——

“That was close.“ The Doctor giggled closing the door behind them finally in the privacy of her bedroom.

“The box was sealed, he wouldn’t have seen anything.“ River chuckled as she stepped up behind her wife and brushed her hair aside to place a kiss on her neck.

“He would have heard us!“ The Doctor protested arching her neck a little. 

“Well, you would have just had to be quiet, wouldn’t you.“ River retorted huskily as she reached around and undid her trousers. 

“I don’t think I have enough self control for that.“ The Doctor hummed and River smirked. 

“You’re about to have no self control.“ She pushed her hand inside her trousers and past her underwear. The Doctor gasped and instinctively moved her hips against the light pressure between her legs. River ran her fingertips through her wetness teasingly. “How does being a woman compare?“ She whispered as she found her clit. The Doctor moaned, her legs nearly giving out under her. 

“It’s … different…“ She managed to say as River buried her other hand in her wife’s hair and pulled her head back. The Doctor groaned, her eyes fluttering shut. “River…“ She had always liked River’s forward, demanding streak and it seemed to be doing wonders for this body. 

“I can tell you’ve missed me.“ River smirked as she pushed a finger inside her.

“I do have a bed…“ The Doctor moaned bracing herself against the door, her legs feeling weak. 

“Get on it then.“ River whispered pulling her hand out of her trousers. The Doctor whimpered, missing the feeling instantly. She turned around, her hearts pounding, River pulled her into a passionate kiss, then gave her a gentle push towards the bed. The Doctor kicked off her boots and pulled her trousers off nearly getting caught up in them and tripping in her hurry. River chuckled to herself, some things just didn’t change, no matter what the Doctor looked like now. “Steady there my love.“ She smirked and the Doctor blushed as she dropped onto the bed and kicked her trousers off. 

“Shut up.“ The Doctor chuckled, she reached out and grabbed the waistband of her wife’s slacks and pulled her closer. She undid the button and eased them down her legs. River stepped out of her trousers and ran her hand through her wife’s hair. She placed her other hand under her chin and made her look up. She just looked at her for a moment. It was such a strange concept that she was still the same person as the man she married so long ago but it was all there in her eyes. The same love and affection shone from them today as the day he had tied his bowtie around their hands. “Are you okay?“ The Doctor asked softly noticing her hesitation. 

“Sorry.“ River smiled softly. “Just thinking.“ 

“About?“ 

“You.“ She answered and the Doctor grinned a little. 

“I’d hope so.“ She reached for her and pulled her forward, onto her lap. River straddled her hips snapping out of her thoughts fully, she leaned down and kissed her deeply. The Doctor undid her bra and pulled it off her shoulders before tracing wet kisses down her sternum. She brought her lips to to her breast sucking and gently biting her nipple as she rolled the other between her fingertips. River moaned running her hand through her hair, she rolled her hips against her. She scratched up her wife’s back with her other hand and the Doctor groaned. She felt hot all over, there was a tight feeling in the pit of her stomach, her thighs were tense and there was a numb sort of ache between her legs, it was maddening. She knew River could tell by the way she smirked in delight. 

“Is there something you need?“ She hummed as she pushed her hand down between them and pressed against the fabric of her pants. “I think you’ve pretty much ruined these.“ She could feel her wetness through the fabric and the Doctor blushed, her body was betraying her. 

“River…“ She breathed moving her hips against her hand. She needed more. River moved her underwear aside and teasingly ran her fingers along the sensitive area.

“You’re pretty easy, darling.“ River smirked.

“Must be this new body…“ She looked up at her breathlessly, this was certainly a different experience to the sex they had had in the past. She felt at a disadvantage and she found she sort of liked it. She loved seeing that fire, that confidence in River’s eyes, it turned her on even more. It seemed to come so natural to her and her wife seems to realise the effect she was having on her as she played on it even more. 

“Lie down sweetie.“ River whispered as she brought her hand up and curled it around her wife’s throat for emphasis. The Doctor blushed deeply and found herself nodding, her head was spinning. Somewhere in the back of her mind, some distant part of her wanted to point out that she was playing with fire, deliberately giving her an opportunity to harm her, if she wanted, making herself vulnerable and allowing River that feeling of having control over her. But the voice of reason faded away she moment her head hit the bed and River thrust her fingers inside her. 

“Fuck…“ The Doctor groaned and dug her nails into River’s shoulders as she climbed on top of her. River watched her closely as she started building up a rhythm, trying to memories her wife’s reactions. Some things remained the same in every body, like the chemistry they had with each other, some things would change completely. The Doctor she had been with on Darillium probably wouldn’t have felt comfortable with this whereas the Doctor she had married had been partial to letting her take charge every now and then. She had a feeling she was going to be her favourite version yet. The Doctor clung on to her as she moved her hips against her thrusts instinctively. It was thoroughly confusing to be having these sensations that completely uprooted her previous understanding of sex. And yet it felt perfectly right, exactly like what she wanted and needed, her brain was almost lagging behind her body a little bit computing everything. “This feels great.“ She panted, already struggling to put the sentence together. River smirked.

“I’d hope so darling.“ She murmured as she pushed harder and faster. The Doctor groaned as the tightness in her stomach intensified. River used her other hand to find her clit again, moving alongside her thrusts to bring her closer and closer to the edge. 

“River…“ The Doctor moaned grabbing hold of the sheets, she needed something to hold onto, something, anything. Her head was spinning, her sensations overwhelming her. It wasn’t just the physical, it was to be close to River again, to have her here, in her bed, to have that connection again. There was no-one she felt more comfortable with, no-one understood her and knew her - really knew her - like her. She craved that connection just as much as she craved her touch. 

“I’ve got you sweetie.“ River reassured her as she felt her tense up. The Doctor moaned, she felt delirious for a moment, everything faded away apart from her voice and heat inside her. Her body shook as the pressure released. Her nerve endings were firing like crazy, overwhelming her senses. She didn’t have words for it, just high pitches desperate moans. 

“God, River…“ She breathed struggling for air as her body relaxed, it was as if lights were still flashing in front of her eyes. River rolled off her and lay next to her with a grin on her face clearly pleased with herself. She pulled her into her arms while she was calming down. “That was… different.“ The Doctor could hardly speak, she rested her head on her wife’s chest who lazily ran her fingers through her hair that stuck to her damp forehead. 

“Oh daring, I didn’t mean to knock you out completely.“ River chuckled placing a soft kiss on her head. 

“I’ll be alright in a minute…“ The Doctor breathed sounding exhausted. 

“Don’t fall asleep!“ River reminded her getting up abruptly and the Doctor fell back onto the mattress unceremoniously. 

“What are you doing?“ She looked over to her confused but not quite able to get up yet. 

“Waiting for you to rally for round two.“ She smirked and grabbed what looked like a silky nightgown from a dresser. “Didn’t you have this when we first got married.“ She slipped it on and tied it.

“Yeah, fits much better now.“ The Doctor chuckled sitting up slowly. The muscles in her thighs were burning. River wandered back over to the bed and stopped at the nightstand. It was a pile of junk really. Overcrowded. Books, doodles of inventions and picture frames, lots and lots of picture frames. She picked one up that displayed the Doctor with Amy and Rory on their wedding day. “Do you miss them?“ The Doctor asked quietly remembering their painful goodbye in Manhattan. 

“I still see them sometimes, past versions of them… they don’t know who I am… but sometimes I just…“ She put the picture down. “They would love you now.“ She chuckled imagining her mother’s astonished face realising her Raggedy Man was a woman now. She looked at the collection of pictures. So many companions, so many Doctors, so many faces. “You looked very handsome that night, brand new suit.“ River picked up a picture of the two of them at the Singing Towers, the night they got there.

“You should see me in a suit now.“ The Doctor smirked scooting over to her, she knelt up on the bed and picked out a recent picture from when she had had her picture taken with the Fam at Barton’s party before they had launched into a high speed chase. 

“Have you still got that tux?“ River asked raising her eyebrows.

“It’s somewhere, why?“

“Well, you may need to put that on for me at a later date…“ She winked and took a moment to appreciate the way she way she looked right now. “Though just in your underwear with messy hair and love bites is a good look too…“

“Love bites?!“ The Doctor exclaimed checking all over herself. 

“I’m only messing with you.“ River smirked. “Maybe in a minute…“ She put the picture down and picked another up. “Now that’s a handsome face I haven’t encountered before.“ She commented sounding intrigued at the prospect. 

“Which one is that?“ The Doctor asked curiously, she reached for River’s shoulder to make her turn and show her but she didn’t respond. “River?“ River dropped the picture and lunged for her throat. The Doctor froze in shock for a moment as she was knocked back onto the bed. “River.“ Her voice was barely more than a croak. Her hands dug into her skin, closing her airway. It wasn’t playful and erotic as before, this was painful, bruising, life threatening. She couldn’t breath.


	5. Bruises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all your lovely comments, you really keep me going and motivated! So here another quick update, I hope you like it! <3

Chapter 5: Bruises 

The Doctor couldn’t breathe, she was starting to panic, she grabbed River’s wrists and tried to pull her off but she was stronger than her. River’s eyes looked right through her, it was like she wasn’t even seeing her, she was on autopilot. The Doctor’s mind was racing looking for options but she was going lightheaded already, black spots beginning to blur her vision. 

“River…“ Her voice was barely audible, she struggled against her, tried to thrash and kick but she wasn’t strong enough. She knew there was one option left while she was still able to speak. Her brain went foggy. She tried to think of another way out. She couldn’t. No oxygen. No options. She wouldn’t do it. She looked up at River, her River. Her wife. She couldn’t do it. The darkness was closing in. 

Suddenly there was banging, crashing, something was happening, she couldn’t quite make it out, she was barely hanging on to consciousness. The grip on her throat relaxed and she managed to take a breath as River collapsed on top of her. The Doctor gasped, and coughed, her lungs filled with air, the darkness passed and her brain was picking up speed again. River was lying on top of her not moving and for a moment the Doctor panicked. Had she said the word without even realising it? She quickly brought her hand to her wife’s throat to check for pulse and she breathed a sigh of relief, she was just unconscious. What exactly had happened? Her brain was not up at full capacity yet and every breath she took hurt. She sat up slowly, shifting River’s weight off a little cradling her head on her lap.

“Doctor, are you okay?“ A voice drew her attention at last. Ryan, Yaz and Graham were standing in the doorway, Yaz was still holding the blaster with which she had just stunned River. 

“How did you…“ The Doctor’s voice wasn’t more than a whisper. 

“The Tardis, there was a huge commotion, it was like it was calling for help.“ Yaz explained, she was white as a sheet still in shock, the boys didn’t look any better. 

“Right…“ The Doctor was still trying to compute what had happened. River had attacked her unable to stop herself and she hadn’t been able to stop her either, despite their supposedly failsafe precautions. Right lot of help that had been… If the Fam hadn’t come in, if the Tardis hadn’t called them…

“What happened Doc?“ Graham asked softly. 

“I…“ She broke into a coughing fit. She struggled to swallow, she touched her fingertips to her throat wincing in pain, bruises were already starting to come up. The Fam rushed over to her in alarm. “I’m… fine…“ The Doctor managed to say breathing through the pain. 

“You are not fine!“ Yaz exclaimed beginning to realise just how close a call it had really been. She looked at River who was still unconscious, half laying on the Doctor with her head in her lap. She raised the gun again and pointed it at her, just to be safe. “This is not fine, you are not fine!“ 

“That’s really not necessary.“ The Doctor gestured for her to put the gun away and brushed her wife’s hair out of her face.

“How can you be so calm?“ Graham asked bewildered. 

“Could have been worse…“ The Doctor winced palpating her throat assessing the damage. Her voice was raspy, it hurt to speak.

“Yes, it could have been worse, you could have died, which you would have done if we hadn’t come in!“ Yaz argued back angrily. Why had they left the two of them alone together, they should have known something like this would happen. The Doctor was just about to retort but Ryan interrupted. 

“Can you… get dressed before we do anything else?“ He asked trying his best to look anywhere but at their friend on the bed. 

“Yeah right, good idea!“ Yaz blushed deeply and Graham quickly threw the Doctor’s t-shirt, coat and River’s blouse onto the bed next to them. The trousers were on the floor by the bed along with River’s trousers and bra. The Doctor was only just beginning to remember the events leading up to this and blushed bright red. 

“Right, yeah… this is awkward…“ The Doctor looked down herself, at least she was still in underwear. She grabbed her t-shirt and pulled it on quickly trying her best to hide her embarrassment. “How did you…“

“Went to the console room first, didn’t we, when the Tardis went crazy and put two and two together when we found your clothes…“ Graham explained and the Doctor nodded. 

“Right.“

“So what happened?“ Ryan asked feeling better for being able to look at her. 

“I think that might be for your granddad to explain…“ The Doctor mumbled embarrassed.

“Not that, that bit is pretty obvious…“ Yaz blushed. “What made her go crazy?“ 

“Oh!“ The Doctor exclaimed and instantly regretted it, she winced in pain. “Yes, I’ve worked it out, the trigger… just…“ Gently she rolled River off her making sure the nightgown was protecting her dignity. Then she got up and looked at the pictures on the nightstand. She picked one up that had fallen down, River had probably dropped it as she had attacked her. Quickly she took the back off the frame and took the picture out. She repeated the action with two more frames and stuffed the photographs into her coat that was still lying on the bed. Then she reached for her trousers figuring this was as good a time as any to spare them all some more embarrassment. 

“What’s with the pictures?“ Ryan asked confused. 

“It’s the trigger, one of my previous faces, it all makes sense now…“ The Doctor explained as she pulled up her trousers. 

“So she is literally meant to kill you?“ Yaz asked.

“Looks like it, very clever…“ The Doctor mused, she tried to keep her voice down as it seemed to hurt less. 

“Then she can’t stay here!“ Yaz retorted. 

“There is no danger now that I know what triggered it.“ The Doctor tried to reason. 

“Yes but can you be sure that’s the only trigger?“ Graham interjected.

“No but…“

“Doctor, will you just stop? We can all see you’re clearly in love or whatever but just stop! She’s dangerous! She nearly killed you just now.“ Yaz exclaimed clearly upset. 

“She didn’t mean to!“ The Doctor countered. 

“Doesn’t change the facts! She’s dangerous! Dorium told us that even before all this, she was conditioned to kill you.“ Yaz pointed out. 

“She was.“ The Doctor couldn’t deny it. 

“So why do you keep her around? That’s eccentric even for you! There is plenty of fish in the sea, she’s a psychopath!“ Yaz carried on. 

“Yaz, stop it!“ The Doctor held up her hands, she had had enough of being berated. 

“No Doctor, you’re clearly not thinking straight! If you stopped acting like a horny teenager for a minute you might realise just how close you just got to dying! You want to work out who’s responsible? Fine. But you don’t have to keep her around. If you keep giving her opportunity after opportunity to harm you, eventually she will succeed.“ Yaz argued. 

“Yaz, you are way out of line.“ The Doctor said angrily. 

“Yaz, come on…“ Ryan tried to interrupt the argument. 

“No! Is this a hangover from when you were a man? Are you just thinking with your dick? Is that it? Because there is no reasonable explanation for this!“ 

“You know what, I don’t have to justify myself to you.“ The Doctor shot back icily. 

“Doc, we’re just concerned for you, you don’t seem to be taking it, perhaps, as seriously as you should.“ Graham tried to mediate but he too was worried about the Doctor’s apparent lack of concern.

“Not taking it seriously?“ The Doctor repeated in disbelief.

“You shouldn’t have been alone together.“ Graham pointed out. 

“I think that’s up for me to decide, don’t you?“

“Right fucking help that failsafe was, too, what would you have done if we haven’t walked in? Didn’t look like you were gonna use it.“ Yaz interjected furious about the Doctor’s lack of hindsight. 

“I wasn’t.“ The Doctor admitted Yaz groaned in frustration. 

“That’s why she put it there, for that moment just now.“ She said. 

“I couldn’t do it.“ The Doctor shrugged calming down a little. “River would like me to be able to but I’m not.“ She shook her head. She could have known it was a ridiculous idea in the first place. How could she even think she would be able to kill her? “I will just have to find a way to rid her off this brain washing once and for all.“

“And what if you can’t? Are you just gonna carry on like this?“ Ryan asked quietly. She didn’t answer at first. She looked in between the three of them feeling ganged up upon. 

“That is not an option.“ She said at last. 

“But it’s a likelihood!“ Yaz insisted. “You can’t just undo brainwashing with some happy thoughts, Doctor. It can be buried as deep as you like but when something triggers it, you will never be able to undo that trauma!“

“But I have to try! I owe it to her!“ The Doctor shot back. “She could have had a perfectly normal life but because of me she had no childhood to speak off, no loving home, far away from her parents because I couldn’t save her. And they made her into this.“ She gestured towards her wife unconscious on the bed and her hearts ached. “Everything that she is is because of me so I owe her to at least try and fix her!“ She looked back at her companions who didn’t have a response, they avoided her gaze as she stared them down. “And I will not let her out of my sight until I know she’s okay again. You haven’t the faintest idea about us so don’t act like you do.“

“Well, how are we supposed to when you never share anything with us?“ Graham asked quietly. 

“Some things are private!“ The Doctor exclaimed as if it wasn’t obvious. “God that hurts.“ She breathed, she was regretting her outbursts, she held her throat for a moment as she swallowed painfully. 

“Then how are we supposed to help you?“ Ryan wanted to know.

“You could trust me.“ The Doctor suggested quietly. 

“We do trust you.“ Yaz retorted. “How about you trust us for once and actually fill us in? Why do they want to kill you? Why go to such lengths of kidnapping a child and turning them into a killer just for you?“

The Doctor realised she was right. She had to explain. They cared so much for her and still she kept them in the dark about so many things. She couldn’t do this by herself, she was beginning to realise. Certainly her brush with death had proved that. 

“They were trying to do a good thing. They were trying to stop the time war restarting by stopping me from getting to a planet called Trenzalore. There, if I had spoken my name I could have allowed the Time Lords to return to our galaxy which would have reignited the conflict. Their reasoning was if I never make it to Trenzalore my secret, my real name, will die with me and the Time Lords will never return. In the end, I didn’t allow them to return and we fought side by side. And it was all over.“ She tried to explain. 

“So why now? What is it this time?“ Yaz asked confused. 

“That’s what I just can’t figure out.“ The Doctor shook her head and stopped immediately when she realised it was hurting. “And why like this? Why use River? Again?“ She looked at her wife full of worry, she just couldn’t figure it out. 

“Because she’s already an asset of theirs?“ Yaz suggested. 

“No. No that can’t be it, getting River to turn on me again, that would have been incredibly hard to accomplish, trust me, she’s a stubborn one… no, there is a reason why they use her. It’s a message. It’s spiteful. It’s cruel! To use her of all the people in the universe, of all the ways they could get to me, to use her…“ The Doctor couldn’t stop her facade from slipping, she didn’t understand what was happening and it was getting to her. Tears were welling up in her eyes. 

“Who is she to you, Doctor?“ Yaz asked, none of them had ever seen her like this, not even in her darkest most desperate moments among the Cybermen, facing off with the Master, making the decision to sacrifice herself… Never like this. 

“She’s my wife.“ The Doctor whispered. There was a dumbstruck silence. They were lost for words and even if they hadn’t been, the Doctor would not have taken them in anyway. The more they learned about the Doctor’s past, the more they realised how little they actually knew. She was married to this woman. It certainly explained a lot and put things in a new light. “And they’re using her because they know just how much it hurts me, how much it hurts her, both of us. If I find out who is behind this…“ The Doctor balled her hands into fists, she hated this feeling, the anger and rage that ran through her, she took a deep breath to calm herself. This wasn’t her, she didn’t want to feel like this but she couldn’t help it. This was going too far. 

“Doctor, I’m so sorry, what I said earlier, I…“ Yaz didn’t know what to say, she felt terrible, if only she had had a little context.

“I will get her back, all of her. I won’t let this stand. I will save her or I will die trying.“ The Doctor mumbled as she took a seat on the bed next to her. She reached out and took her hand in hers. “And if I die, well, then that fixes her too…“ 

River gave a soft groan, she scrunched her face up in discomfort, being stunned was no fun. Yaz raised the gun again but suddenly felt a lot more nervous about it. She double checked that the gun was set to stun even though she knew full well that it was. She didn’t want to be the person who killed the Doctor’s wife. 

“River?“ The Doctor reached out and cupped her cheek. 

“Ugh, I have a splitting headache…“ River mumbled. “What the… I swear we were having sex a minute ago…“ She opened her eyes slowly with a little smile on her lips at the pleasant memory from before her episode.

“Just… stay calm okay?“ The Doctor whispered as she helped her sit up.

“Why are you telling me to…“ She caught sight of the bruises forming on her wife’s neck and it was as if her hearts stopped. Her breath caught, she just stared at her in utter shock as she put two and two together. She realised Yaz was pointing the gun at her and the penny dropped.

“No…“

“River, it’s fine, look, I’m fine.“ The Doctor tried to get her attention back, putting on her most enthusiastic grin without showing the pain. 

“I can’t have, I… I don’t remember anything.“ River stuttered panic rising inside her. 

“Please River, calm down, I’m okay, it’s not your fault.“ The Doctor reached out for her hands.

“Not my fault?“ River pushed the Doctor away and got to her feet putting several feet between them. She stumbled a little, still numb from the stun blast but she couldn’t get away fast enough.

“River.“ The Doctor got up and took a step towards her but her wife only moved back further. 

“No, don’t, stay away from me!“ She held out her hands. There was genuine fear in her eyes and it broke the Doctor’s heart. 

“River, please.“

“I can’t believe I… and you didn’t stop me, why didn’t you stop me!“ She ran her hands through her hair, she felt nauseous, she tried to take deep breaths but it wasn’t doing anything to calm her, quite the opposite, all she could think of was how her wife hadn’t been able to breathe when she had given her those bruises. 

“It wasn’t as bad as all that…“ The Doctor insisted but River wasn’t looking at her. She looked at the Fam, she could tell from the look on their faces that it had been as bad as all that and worse. If they hadn’t come in to stop her… “Look, I’m fine! Anyway, I like this better than lovebites, so much more badass.“ The Doctor shrugged. 

“Don’t try to be funny.“ River snapped. 

“Then how else can I get through to you?“ The Doctor exclaimed, she was just ignoring the pain by this point, she wasn’t someone that could stay quiet for long. “I’m fine. It’s a good thing this happened.“

“It’s a good thing??!“ Graham interjected in disbelief.

“It’s what made me figure out what the trigger is, so yes.“ The Doctor insisted.

“You have?“ River was taken aback, snapping out of her panic for a moment. 

“Yes. You were looking at all the pictures on my nightstand remember. One of my faces, one that you haven’t met yet, it’s the trigger, that’s the version of me you’re meant to kill.“ The Doctor explained hoping the information would help her calm down.

“What?“ Her wife just looked back at her confused. 

“I don’t get it, she’s not meant to kill you now?“ Ryan asked. 

“No, we weren’t meant to meet, it wasn’t part of the plan, I was in the way just now, and subconsciously knowing I’m him, it made her go for me.“ The Doctor carried on.

“That makes no sense.“ Graham shook his head not getting it. 

“So whoever set this up, they know our timeline…“ River mused. 

“They must know an awful lot about us, this is purposeful and cruel, it’s personal.“ The Doctor felt a wave of guilt for having dragged her wife into this. Whoever was behind this wanted to get to her and River was the perfect means of achieving that. She couldn’t stand the thought of getting her into the cross fire. 

“If it’s one of your previous faces, you must know where and when we meet because it’s already happened for you.“ River realised.

“Yes. And I didn’t die last time. So we know it doesn’t have to happen. Equally, if you do manage to kill my past self, it will create a paradox, a bad one…“ The Doctor mused. 

“So if you know what’s going to happen, you can avoid it right?“ Yaz asked feeling hopeful. 

“Yes and no. The event has to happen for the timeline to stay intact and we have to make sure it happens without a hitch.“ The Doctor explained. 

“So tell us, what’s gonna happen?“ Graham asked. 

“Spoilers.“ River interrupted. 

“I can’t reveal too much, risks corrupting the timeline as well… But it has to happen River, this is not one where we can trick and avoid the situation…“ She thought back to Lake Silencio.

“We were getting rather good at that…“ River managed a half smile, finally they had something to go on.

“River this has to happen for us and it has to happen the way it did, we can’t rewrite time, we just can’t, that is something you made me promise.“ The Doctor insisted, she took a step closer and when River didn’t move back, she took another. She extended her hand to her. 

“That does sound like something I would say…“ River mused, reluctantly she took her hand and her wife gave her a little squeeze.

“I never… when I was him I… just remember when you see him… me… that I’m young and I… sorry if I disappoint you.“ The Doctor knew she probably shouldn’t talk about it but this was an opportunity to finally apologise for what had happened. It wouldn’t matter when she got there, it didn’t change anything, but at least River would know that after all this time, she still thought about it and maybe, that would somehow make it better. She couldn’t make up for not being herself with her yet, she couldn’t magically know her back then and be what she needed him to be in her final moment but maybe she could think back to this instead.

“Darling, never once have you disappointed me.“ River drew her attention back to the present and the Doctor smiled a sad smile.

“Well I disappointed myself.“ 

“What’s so significant about it?“ River asked with a frown.

“It’s the day I first met you.“ The Doctor answered figuring it couldn’t harm the timeline if she knew that going into it. “And I’m sorry that I won’t know you yet.“


	6. Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments guys! Really happy that I managed to finish this tonight, didn't really expect to lol. Really hope you like it. Just one brief disclaimer, the Green Priests I've burrowed from the scifi novel series “The Saga of Seven Suns“ which I love and adore. I've dropped easter eggs for it before in this fic and in When the Wind Stands Fair but no-one seems to have read or picked up on it lol. But didn't see the point of creating a species that does this when there's one out there so just to point out, not my idea!! Go and read the books, they're fantastic if you're into proper scifi.  
> Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter and let me know what your think! <3

Chapter 6: Answers

“I see…“ River tried to keep the sadness from her eyes but she didn’t quite manage it. That was one adventure with her Doctor that she had been trying to avoid. She had spoken to her father about this once, the very prospect haunted her, of looking into the Doctor’s eyes and him not recognising her… And what if when it came to it, their timelines ending the way they had started? Running in opposite directions. The doctor’s first meeting with her also being her last one? That fear was ever present. 

“Sorry…“ The Doctor said weakly, regretting telling her immediately. 

“Well it was bound to happen eventually.“ River forced a smile. 

“How can it be your first meeting?“ Yaz was confused. 

“Our timelines are moving in opposite directions.“ The Doctor explained.

“Not quite opposite, more like jumbled up…“ River corrected her. 

“So I’ve experienced things the River hasn’t and vice versa. She hasn’t experienced the earliest point in my timeline with her yet.“ 

“That’s confusing.“ Ryan shook his head. 

“So where are we meeting?“ River asked, somehow she felt that the more she knew, the better she would be able to deal with it emotionally. She knew the Doctor wouldn’t give her details that she shouldn’t have so she might as well ask.

“The Library.“ The Doctor answered. 

“That’s why you said I should go on the expedition still.“ River remembered their conversation at Lunar.

“But before you do, we need to make sure you don’t go and kill me there. Because if you do, it will create a paradox. If I die there, I will never travel with your parents and you will never be born to then kill me and so on…“ The Doctor explained. 

“A paradox like that could rip the fabric of time apart.“ River mused. 

“Yes.“ 

“Who would benefit from that?“ She didn’t see how that could be a desirable outcome for anyone.

“I don’t know. Surely if someone wanted me dead they would try to do that without killing themselves and the entire universe…“ The Doctor agreed. “I think it’s time we figure out who is behind all this. We need to find the Church, I need to speak to Dorium.“ She clapped her hands together. She needed to get some answers, they were finally getting somewhere. “And you need to get dressed.“ She winked at River as they all headed for the door. 

——

“Well, Doctor, that wasn’t very nice of you to lock me in like that.“ Dorium frowned when the Doctor opened his box in the console room. 

“We wanted some privacy.“ She answered and he looked at her full of distrust. He spotted the bruises on her neck and feeling uncomfortable he asked:

“What happened?“

“Not important.“ The Doctor answered as she sat his head down on the console. “I need to know where the Church is.“

“I told you Doctor, I don’t know.“ He moved his head slightly to indicate a shaking motion. 

“Then find out. There must be someone you can call on that will be able to tell us.“ She retorted, they were so close to getting answers, she wasn’t inclined to wait any longer. 

“Well I could talk to the Green Priests… fascinating race, they’re able to share thoughts through their holy world trees, instant communication, wherever there is a world tree, they have eyes. Someone is bound to have seen something.“ He mused weighing his options. “There was once a Green Priest on Maldovar. At least when I when I used to have my bar there.“

“Great let’s go.“ She nodded and started setting coordinates for Maldovar. 

“Does she realise it’s the middle of the night still?“ Graham asked the others yawning. The Tardis had woken them all up, knowing the Doctor she probably hadn’t even realised they were in their pyjamas.

“She’d probably argue that there is no such thing as day and night when you’re not actually on a planet…“ Yaz said rubbing her face. Now that the adrenaline had worn off, she was beginning to feel tired as well. “We should probably get dressed.“

“Does she not need sleep or something?“ Ryan asked stretching out.

“You could ask her wife…“ Yaz mumbled as River just walked into the console room after having got dressed. 

“The Doc doesn’t really seem like the kind of person that would get married..“ Graham mused watching River who leaned against one of the crystal pillars keeping her distance from all of them, including the Doctor. Her expression was difficult to read, it was thoughtful and pensive, maybe even worried. She was watching the Doctor - her wife - as if she was the only thing of interest in the entirety of the universe. 

“Well, it’s not exactly like she’s being tied down by being married is it. Sounds like they don’t really see each other very much.“ Yaz shrugged. 

“How do you even have a relationship like that?“ Ryan wondered. 

“Make the most of every moment I guess…“ Graham replied. 

“She just seems so… wild and forward and… just the complete opposite of The Doctor, you know?“ Yaz observed. She was still struggling to wrap her head around the whole thing. It was one thing when they had been flirting but to know that they had so much history, such commitment, it was a lot to take in. 

“I guess opposites attract…“ Graham said. “Anyway, I think we’d better get dressed, no rest for the wicked.“ The others nodded in agreement.

River watched the Doctor work the Tardis console, she tried her best not to overthink the things she had revealed to her but she couldn’t help it. She didn’t know how to best protect herself against the emotional consequences of encountering a Doctor that didn’t know her, that had no feelings for her or knew of their history. She hoped this Doctor, her Doctor, would be on hand to scoop her up afterwards. That was the worst thing about their relationship, never knowing when and if they were going to see each other again. What if this meeting would indeed be their last? She couldn’t even think about that possibility. She wanted to go to her, step into her arms and have her say everything would be alright but she couldn’t. She stood rooted to the spot. She didn’t dare go any closer. She looked at her hands and balled them into fists, she needed to be stronger, she needed to be able to fight this, whatever it was. She couldn’t hurt her again and she couldn’t allow their time together to be erased. There was a part of her, deep down, that would have been almost tempted to end things now, take herself out of the equation to ensure her wife’s safety but she knew she couldn’t. Their meeting would have to happen, the Doctor had to meet her for the rest of their relationship to unfold the way it had, but when that was accomplished, if they couldn’t get rid of the conditioning… maybe she would have to do what the Doctor couldn’t. 

The Doctor felt River’s eyes on her but she didn’t look around. She needed to concentrate, work out their next moves. At least they had a general idea of what the plan was but there were still so many unknowns. First of all, who would benefit from destroying the universe? Who would be crazy enough to do that? Then there was the matter of the conditioning; knowing the trigger was one thing but if she wanted any chance of undoing it, she needed to know what methods they used. And then the not so insignificant matter of the library. 

Unlike River, she knew what was going to happen even if they did manage to foil the assassination attempt and it w heartbreaking. She didn’t know how she was going to face it. Hopefully if they confronted the Church, they would be able to undo everything and be on their way. And she would make River promise to go on the expedition eventually… just not right now while they were together… And if they couldn’t accomplish any of it… they would need to take precautions. As much as it pained her, she had been going over the events of the library in her head and there was one thing that stood out to her, painfully obvious… it would be the last resort. But she would have to give River time, give her the chance to get there and not go for her former self before then… She started digging through the pile of equipment that was still lying all over the floor, she had an idea.

“River?“ She looked around at her wife who jumped a little, she had been deep in thought as well. “I’ve had an idea…“

“What is it?“ River asked curious.

“C’mere.“ The Doctor said and River obliged. The Doctor made her turn around as she came to a halt in front of her. She brushed River’s hair over to one side and placed a small electrode just behind her ear.

“What’s that for?“ River wondered not feeling any different.

“Neuro blocker… It should buy you some time next time you’re triggered… delay the input, hopefully. It won’t stop it but should give you some time and you can try and fight it perhaps… you managed to snap out of it the first time around so you might be able to… worth a shot.“ The Doctor explained. River nodded as she traced the electrode with her fingers and took a deep breath. They both shared the same thought hoping the other wouldn’t consider it a possibility. River knew when the time came, she wouldn’t have the same reservations as her wife when it came to choosing between their two lives and the Doctor knew that River would tell her her name in the Library.

——

“This place is like something from Star Wars.“ Ryan pointed out as they walked across the Maldovian markets. Yaz and Graham had to agree, it was a lot more like what they had envisaged alien planets to be like. Multicultural, exotic, a bit grubby… there was a certain element of danger to it. 

“Hasn't changed a bit.“ River commented as they made their way through the stalls. The last time she had been here, she had bought her vortex manipulator from Dorium. Well, bought was probably a strong word, she had blackmailed him for it. 

“Take a left here.“ Dorium said, the Doctor was carrying his head under her arm. They followed his instructions and quickly found their way to a very green stall. It looked more like a garden than a shop, it was overgrown and wild. “This is it.“ He declared and they exchanged doubtful glances. 

“Hello? Anyone home?“ The Doctor called not sharing her friends’ reluctance. 

“Come in.“ A voice replied and shrugging the Doctor complied. She ducked under several branches and low hanging vines to find the tree itself created the shape of a room, the canopy forming a roof. There by the foot of the tree stood a table and chair, an old man dressed in nothing but a loin cloth, who was stroking the bark of the tree as they stepped closer. It was immediately obvious why he was called a Green Priest, his skin was emerald as if chlorophyll had gathered in the very cells of his skin. 

“Dorium, we heard you died.“ The green priest said as he turned to greet them. There was an unnerving sort of calmness about him. 

“Well, technically speaking, I was beheaded, my body died at Demon’s Run but I’m very much alive.“ Dorium tried to sound cheerful as the Doctor put his box down on the table. 

“Ah yes, Demon’s Run, the battle is won but the child is lost…“ He looked at the Doctor and the River who felt a little unsettled by how familiar he seemed to be with them already. 

“I was hoping you would be able to share some information.“ Dorium decided to cut right to the chase. 

“What sort of information?“ The green priest asked matter of factly. 

“We’re looking for the Church of the Papal Mainframe, maybe you could reach out and find out if anyone in your extensive network has seen them?“ Dorium answered. 

“And how do you intend to pay? You don’t seem to have anything in your pockets.“ He retorted in slight amusement and Dorium rolled his eyes. 

“There’s always a price isn't there.“ 

“What are you after?“ The Doctor asked expectantly but River was quicker in her response.

“Will this do?“ She held out what looked like a bar of a precious metal. “Pure Latinum, worth fifty thousand credits at least.“

“Very nicely.“ He nodded eagerly as he took the bar off her. “Give me a minute to reach out to my comrades and I shall have an answer for you.“ He reached out and pressed his hands to the golden bark of the tree that made up his shelter. 

“You guys wait here, Dorium and I have some other business.“ The Doctor announced moving Dorium’s box from under one arm to the other, his head was actually not as light as it looked. 

“We do?“ He asked trying to look at her but obviously couldn’t.

“We do.“ She confirmed and started walking off as he continued to protest. 

“Not like I have much of a say in this, is there.“ 

The Fam and River stayed behind and waited for the green priest to provide some answers, he was clearly engrossed in whatever sort of telepathic communication the tree enabled. There was an uncomfortable silence between them. Yaz felt like she should say something, now that they had found out who she really was but what was there to say? Sooo you’re married? And you nearly killed her just now… That wasn’t going to work. 

“Thank you.“ River was the first to speak and all three of them looked at her in surprise. 

“Thank you?“ Graham repeated unsure if he had heard her right. 

“Yes thank you. Thank you for stopping me.“ River continued crossing her arms in front of her chest, she didn’t look at them, thanking and apologising to people weren’t exactly her strong points. “Looks like you were just in time.“ 

“You know, we had no idea you’re her wife!“ Ryan blurted out mortified when she was greeted by awkward silence as the other three just stared at him. The River chuckled, the ice was broken.

“She told you then, did she? That must have taken some doing.“ 

“If we’d known we’d… I don’t know… maybe not been so suspicious of you. Sorry about that…“ Yaz scratched her head awkwardly. 

“No, please, be suspicious of me, you need to be.“ River half-smiled. 

“You know she never tells us anything.“ Graham complained. 

“I know.“ River chuckled. “And no, I can’t fix that, I’m her wife, not a miracle worker.“ They all laughed and just for a moment, they forgot about their troubles. 

“You have to tell us more, I mean, it’s all very confusing and you can probably spare us the time travel details and the events in the wrong order but… what was the wedding like?“ Yaz let her curiosity get the better of her. For a moment, the Fam just appreciated that they were getting to know their friend’s wife and nothing else. 

“Oh uhm…“ River hardly knew what to answer, she had never been asked that question before, to have someone actually know of their relationship and care enough to ask was new to her. “Well, it was rather a spur of the moment thing… The universe was ending because I hadn’t killed the Doctor when I had been meant to… so all of time was happening at once and we were fighting the Silence… To be honest I think he was just trying to shut me up…“

——

“What took you so long?“ River asked when the Doctor and Dorium finally returned. They had been waiting outside the stall for a while as they had felt awkward waiting with the Priest once he had provided them with answers. River had been entertaining the Fam with stories of the adventures she had had with the Doctor and they’d been eager to listen, but by the time she had recounted their numerous encounters with the weeping angels, her patience with her wife had worn thin. 

“Not important right now.“ The Doctor replied. “Did you get coordinates?“

“More than that. You will be excited to know that it looks like the Church has retaken a former asset of theirs.“ River retorted.

“Meaning?“ The Doctor raised her eyebrows.

“Demon’s Run.“ River retorted and her wife sighed. 

“Figures…“ 

“Demons run when a good man goes to war…“ Dorium mused and the Doctor gave the box a little slap.

“Woman now.“ 

——

“Is this really the best idea we’ve got?“ River asked as they all stood around the Tardis console room.

“If you have a better one, the floor is yours.“ The Doctor said as she set the coordinates for Demon’s Run. She intended to land the Tardis right on the main deck. None of them said anything. “We’ve taken every precaution, we need to find out who is behind this and the only way to do that is walk right in there.“

“All guns blazing…“ Yaz added not feeling to confident that this was the best course of action but she couldn’t think of an alternative either.

“Right, let’s go…“ River nodded as she traced the back of her head again where the neuro blocker was sitting comfortably. Hopefully this time she would have a chance to fight if it came to it. The Doctor pulled the lever on the console and the Tardis set off, it didn’t take long until it landed on solid ground again. 

“Here we go again…“ Graham sighed as they all made their way to the door and stepped outside, the Doctor went first, followed by River. 

“Where are we?“ Yaz asked as they looked around. They had explained before they had set off what Demon’s Run was or rather had been, how it related to everything, it was huge.

“Main hanger deck…“ The Doctor answered vaguely recognising it from the last time they had been here. River had a scan around, not too much had changed apart from a huge screen had been put up where the stage had been. 

“Where is everyone?“ Ryan asked slightly unsettled by the quiet. “I thought you said they have lots of soldiers?“

“They do…“ The Doctor nodded feeling uncomfortable as well.

“Well, well, well.“ A voice sounded all of a sudden, it was female and sounded awfully familiar. “I see you’ve finally had the gender upgrade then?“ They all looked around for the voice turning their backs towards one another so they had everywhere covered. The Doctor felt like ice suddenly filled her veins and she shuddered, she knew that voice. “I don’t know why you insist on dressing like that. Really. Is it some sort of statement? The braces, the boots, the rainbow?? For goodness sake, why don’t you just tattoo LESBIAN on your forehead.“ A figure stepped out of the shadows, a middle aged woman with dark hair, wearing a black skirt and blazer combo, and with madness in her eyes. “Honestly River, dear, I don’t know what you see in her.“

“Who is she Doctor?“ River asked in a low voice. It was obvious that this woman knew the Doctor and judging by the shocked look on the Doctor’s face, she knew her as well.

“Oh yes, course, you won’t remember, we wiped your memory.“ The woman waved it off with a chuckle.

“Doctor?“ Yaz’s voice was jittery, this woman gave her the creeps, there was something awfully familiar about her.

“I’m Missy, ever so pleased to make your acquaintance.“ Missy did a little curtsy with great amusement. 

“Who’s Missy?“ Graham asked slowly.

“Short for…“ The Doctor grit her teeth and balled her fists, this was the last thing she needed.

“The Master.“ River realised as the penny dropped. 

“Oh I have chosen well. Even with a wiped memory, quicker than the lot of you. Quicker than you’ve ever been all the other times.“ Missy winked at the Doctor.


	7. Jealousy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your lovely comments, glad I managed to surprise some of you! Really hope you'll like where I'm going with this and hope it'll all make sense in the end lol. It makes sense in my head at least :D I've plotted the rest of the fic and I'm expecting it to end up being around 10 chapters just don't hold me to it :)   
> Please let me know what you think! <3

Chapter 7: Jealousy

“Looks like you’ve got something on your neck dear.“ Missy observed in a sing song voice as she stepped closer. She leaned onto an umbrella playing on the Mary Poppins aesthetic with great delight. The Doctor tried to calm her thoughts, one problem at a time. The Master was behind all this but why? What did she have to gain? Bar the usual havoc and death she so obviously enjoyed. She probably didn’t even need a reason, messing with her was enough of a motivation. It was heartbreaking really, over time the Doctor had come to believe that Missy was actually changing, even if she had been disappointed at the last moment, she had felt like she had gotten somewhere with her. Of course she had been painfully disappointed when the Master had reappeared after finding out about the Timeless Child secrets… but Missy couldn’t know any of that yet…

“What are you planning Missy.“ The Doctor asked taking a few steps towards her, effectively shielding River and the Fam behind her. 

“You’re so boring, all business no play, come on Doctor, I’ve not seen this version of you before, give us a twirl!“ Missy grinned. 

“I have no time for your games, what have you done to River and why?“

“See I never knew you were married! I would have expected you to invite your oldest and very best enemy to your wedding. Even if you are marrying a human.“ Missy grimaced feigning hurt. There was such distaste in her voice and she glanced over to River who decided to bite her tongue and let her wife handle this. 

“Wait, that’s the Master?“ Graham was only just beginning to process the information. “But last time he was a bloke!“

“Yes and last time I was a white haired scotsman.“ The Doctor retorted.

“White haired scotsman, oh dear, this was an upgrade then.“ Missy chuckled. 

“You’ve not seen me like that?“ The Doctor looked back at her in surprise.

“Ugh, timelines, timestreams, regenerations, have I met you, haven’t I met you, who cares, all a big jumble.“ Missy sighed.

“You must be at the beginning of your Missy timeline then!“ The Doctor realised, it was the first step to making sense of things. 

“Does it really matter?“

“Does to me.“ 

“Ugh, you’re so BO-RING! Yes I have not met you yet since I have been Missy, happy?“ She sighed exasperated. “But I may, may, just be a teensy weensy bit ahead of my time, I must confess, I have had some help…“ She grinned a mad smirk. 

“What does that mean?“ The Doctor felt a genuine sense of anxiety, she had always known Missy to be the mad but somewhat more relatable version of her oldest acquaintance, but she didn’t like the way she was looking at her. Like she knew something the Doctor did not. Like she knew everything about her. 

“Oh Doctor, that clueless look on your face, bless your heart, you’re just adorable like this.“ Missy stepped right up to her, into her personal space and lifted up her chin with a finger, her eyes twinkled with mad delight. 

“Get away from her.“ River was by the Doctor’s side in a flash and pushed Missy back. 

“Ah River, my dear, found your voice again, have you? Almost forgot you were there.“ Missy smirked and held up her hands defensively. “Like a little child, jealous cause I’m touching your play thing?“ 

“Stop with your silly games, what have you done to me?“ River demanded to know. She tried her best to remain level headed and ignore the provocative way in which she was looking the Doctor up and down. 

“What, you don’t remember?“ Missy put her hand to her chest in fake shock. 

“Answer the question!“ River pressed through gritted teeth. 

“Well, just put a little something in your head, it wasn’t easy mind, your wife is a stubborn one isn’t she?“ She smirked at the Doctor. “I do like it when they put up a fight.“ She reached out for River’s cheek but River smacked her hand away and Missy laughed: “The Church has been very helpful, it wasn’t easy finding out all the things they’ve done to you in the past, but they have a lot of resources. Took a while to work it all out, classic indoctrination and brainwashing might not really work on you anymore but even someone as stubborn as you can’t will away brain chemistry alterations.“ She grinned with delight. 

“And it took you days to work out what worked and what didn’t?“ River was furious, this certainly accounted for the days that had passed between her abduction and her meeting the Doctor on Capitalism.

“Shame you don’t remember any of it. Such fun.“ Missy winked with a mad twinkle in her eyes. River couldn’t deny that she was glad she didn’t remember any of it.

“How did you get the Church to work with you? What happened to Tasha Lam?“ The Doctor hardly knew what to focus on first, there was so much she had to find out, she had to keep her talking, Missy seemed to be very keen to share which was unsettling in itself. If she was so happy to just talk and reveal her plans, she had to be damn sure nothing could foil them now. It was very like her to gloat and taunt the Doctor with how brilliant her plan was, but she wouldn't do it if it wasn’t fully accomplished yet. 

“Tasha Lam? Doesn’t ring a bell.“ Missy shrugged. “But I think you know my new best friend?“ Missy looked around and out of the shadows stepped Madam Kovarian flanked by several Church soldiers. 

“Doctor.“ Madame Kovarian basically spat her name, full of disgust. 

“I would have thought the Church would have put you away by now for going rogue.“ The Doctor’s expression darkened as she recognised her. She had never found out what had happened to her after she had put River in the astronaut suit at Lake Silencio, her death had been part of the aborted timeline, not a reality.

“It’s the Church itself and Mother Superious that lost their way by standing with you.“ Madame Kovarian retorted.

“Your goal has always been to stop the time war and we did that, together, I don’t know why you would side with her now.“ She gestured at Missy who but on he best innocent smile. 

“You’re wrong Doctor, my goal has always been to end you.“ Madame Kovarian replied, it was becoming clear that her convictions were of a more personal nature than an official ideology. 

“The person that’s going to meet their end is you.“ River growled taking a threatening step towards her, to which the soldier raised their rifles but she wasn’t impressed. “I was hoping I would get to see you again so I can kill you with my own hands!“ She had managed to stay calm in facing the Master but Madame Kovarian was an entirely different story. She had been there from the very beginning, haunted her nightmares, took her childhood, her parents, her life, away from her. She forced her into killing her beloved Doctor and she had sworn that she would have her revenge if they ever crossed paths again.

“Like you were going to kill your wife?“ Madame Kovarian shot back with a satisfied smirk. 

“Ladies, ladies, let’s all calm down and be civilised, we’re not a bunch of men, are we.“ Missy interjected. 

“The Church’s goal has always been to maintain peace, how did you convince them to join this madness? How does ending the universe benefit you? Any of you?“ The Doctor tried to get the conversation back on track. 

“Ending the universe?“ Missy again pretended to be shocked. “Is that what we’re doing?“

“Don’t play dumb! I know that you’re trying to meddle in our timeline. Do you realise what will happen if River kills my previous self? Time will end. Everyone will die. You, too. How is that winning in your book?“ The Doctor shot back frustrated by her constant games and riddles, she just wanted clear answers.

“It seems like you have it all figured out Doctor.“ Missy chuckled and the Doctor was unnerved to find that Madame Kovarian didn’t even blink, was she in on it? How did they fit in with anything the Church stood for? 

“But why?“ The question was burning in her mind. Why would anyone, even the Master, want all of existence to end?

“Why, why, WHY, you’re like a broken record, why can you not simply enjoy things but have to second guess them all the time, honestly, Doctor, you’re no fun!“ Missy sighed. “But, hey, seeing as the universe is ending sooner rather than later, let me fill you in on a little secret. I did have a little bit of help…“ She smirked and clapped her hands together in excitement. “See I was off having grand old time killing the various members of the Scoundrel’s Club when I received a message… well let’s say a call for help more like and there was only one person that would have known where to find me.“ The Doctor and River exchanged questioning looks. “Time to come out and say hello.“ Missy looked at Madame Kovarian who promptly extended her hand, opening it and slowly but surely, something bubbled to the surface and broke out of it. An animated quicksilver shape that the Doctor immediately recognised as the Cyberium. It looked distorted, different from last time she had encounter it. How did it get here? Madame Kovarian on her part suddenly looked confused, fearful even for a moment, but she didn’t say anything, she pulled her hand back and looked at her palm confused, almost as if she was wondering what had just happened. Judging by the look on her face, the Cyberium was controlling her. “Before you start babbling all your silly questions Doctor, it called to me and I retrieved it from Gallifrey. LOVE what you’ve done with the place.“ Missy concluded with a grin.

“That wasn’t me.“ The Doctor retorted angrily. 

“Well, technically not but you’re the reason for it so I think that qualifies.“ Missy shrugged. 

“What are you planning to do with it?“

“Stop skipping ahead Doctor, I haven’t finished my story yet, don’t be rude.“ Missy tutted. “I mean usually I wouldn’t have gone all that way for a bit of quicksilver but there was something distinctly personal about the message. You see, there was an added bonus to this bit of tech but you need to talk really nicely to it for it to do its trick, you see it’s a lot of effort.“ She pointed at the Cyberium that was hovering in midair and slowly moved towards them a little. 

“What the hell are you talking about?“ The Doctor asked watching it advance. 

“Come on dear, let’s not keep her waiting any longer.“ Missy grinned at the alien tech and the Doctor frowned wondering if she had gone mad. Then the Cyberium changed again, it twisted and turned until it shaped itself into a face, one that was very familiar.

“Hello, Doctor.“ The Master’s quicksilver features pulled into a mad grin. Missy activated a forcefield around it.

“Stasis field, helps him keep the shape so we can have a bit of a chat, what do you think? See if I had known I would end up with my mind fused to some Cybermen bio tech, I would have tried to contact my younger self too, to find a way out. Oh wait, I did.“ She laughed and winked at her later regeneration who grinned in response. “Oh this is going to be fun.“

“You can’t both be here, you can’t cross your own time stream!“ The Doctor didn’t know how to process this information, so she went with the first thing that popped into her mind. How had the Master survived the death particle? In his desperate attempt to stay alive at all cost, he must have clung on to the Cyberium. His body must have been destroyed but his mind remained with the Cybermen tech. What a miserable existence. 

“Oh don’t be such a spoil sport, doesn’t really matter when the universe is about to end anyway, does it.“ Missy laughed. 

“Why are you doing this?“ She looked in between the two Masters unsure who was influencing whom.

“Ah Doctor where to start…“ Missy mused. “Well, as you can imagine I don’t fancy ending the way I seem to be ending.“ She gestured towards the Cyberium shaped in her future features. 

“You could just try to kill me the normal way?“ The Doctor suggested. “No need to end the universe and yourself.“

“And carry on with this miserable existence without you?“ The Master asked with a laugh. “No thanks. You and me, we are two sides of the same coin, neither one of us should exist without the other. Plus, you being the timeless child and all that, I don’t think you can actually be killed. Not like that, not properly…“ There was so much hate in his voice, it made the Doctor’s heart ache for the friend she had lost so long ago. At least with Missy there had been hope, but with him… “So I’ve filled myself in on the future, Doctor, on what you are, we discussed it and agreed to hell with the whole of existence and you.“

“See Doctor, the thing is, I think all I’ve ever wanted was to get my best friend back. Be able to be with you again, do things together, burn down planets together preferably but either way… I’ve had to realise that that will never be the case. And if I can’t have you, then no-one will.“ Missy grinned. “I have no interest of ending up like that and he tells me you can’t be killed because you’re oh so special so what the hell… let’s just end the universe and put us all out of our misery, ey?“ 

“You’re both crazy.“ River shook her head in utter disbelief. She had never encountered the Master before but these two were certainly outdoing the stories she’d heard.

“That’s rich coming from you.“ Missy responded dryly. 

“You know I won’t do it, I won’t play a part in this.“ River stated defiantly. 

“Yes you will. And we’re doing you a favour really because by the end of your little adventure there, you will be…“ Missy replied but the Doctor interrupted her. 

“Stop it, stop talking!“ She couldn’t have her reveal too much to River if they wanted any chance of maintaining the timeline. 

“Oh poor River, no, we mustn’t tell poor little River anything, it might explode her little head.“ Missy laughed patronisingly. “Oh please Doctor, she might as well know what’s going to happen, she not going to be able to stop anything and neither are you.“

“We’ll see about that.“ River shot back angrily. She was determined, she would sooner kill herself once she had met the Doctor’s previous self than allowing these maniacs to win. 

“Little coulda woulda shoulda been timelord. Don’t you see, you’re really just not that important. What are you in comparison to her and me? A lot of hair, jittery time travel and a gun.“ Missy smirked spitefully full of jealously. “You’re nothing, you’re a pawn and you have no choice.“

“Than why use her to kill me instead of just doing it yourself? You always said how disappointed you would be if anyone else where to kill me that wasn’t you.“ The Doctor recalled trying to divert attention away from River. 

“That is one disappointment I will have cope with.“ Missy sighed and the Master added: 

“I’m sure we will all enjoy the irony of your wife killing you. And I think we will enjoy seeing your face when she does kill you, more than we would enjoy actually killing you ourselves. Strange I know. But there is something oddly satisfying in the prospect of having you spend your last moment in existence with us, watching your own demise, rather than with her. I won’t let you have that.“

“You’re jealous aren’t you.“ River realised and she laughed, genuinely laughed, despite everything that was happening. “You’re jealous of me.“ 

“Don’t be ridiculous, you’re nothing.“ The Master shot back. 

“You’re jealous of what we have, something that you will never have with the Doctor or with anyone. You’re bitter and lonely.“ River laughed and grabbed hold of her wife’s hand driving the point home.

“River…“ The Doctor didn’t think antagonising the Masters was a good idea but she knew her wife had struck a cord. 

“No Doctor, they are literally trying to end the universe in a jealous fit. If I can’t have you, no-one else can? Come on!“ River looked around the room for people’s creations. Ryan, Yaz and Graham stood close behind them, overwhelmed by the whole situation, unsure how and if they could even contribute. Madame Kovarian seemed to have not much of a mind of her own without the Cyberium, the Master’s dominant thoughts had presumably forced her mind into a dark corner, River couldn’t help but feel a little bit of satisfaction at that. The puppeteer had become the puppet, she was hardly more than that now. Maybe she hadn’t even agreed to what the Master’s were planning, maybe the Cyberium had just taken her over. It was all just speculation at this point. She looked back at the Master who was clenching his quicksilver jaw and then finally to Missy who was quite obviously struggling for restraint. River knew she had hit the heart of the matter.

“Well Professor, I don’t really care about your opinion. You are about to meet your own demise in the presence of your husband who doesn’t give a rat’s arse about you because he doesn’t even know who you are, so have fun with that while we continue to have fun with your wife, hm?“ Missy gestured at the guards who promptly seized River and pulled her away from the Doctor before either of them could react.

“Let her go!“ The Doctor shouted as River struggled against their grip. 

“I don’t think so Doctor, it’s time we get this show on the road.“ The Master grinned with mad delight and in a flash the soldiers and River disappeared, teleporting to an unknown location.

“Bring her back!“ The Doctor demanded, her voice distraught which only brought the Masters more joy.

“Thanks for bringing her back by the way, we were so worried we had lost her after that test run on Capitalism but when we realised she was with you, well, wasn’t hard to get you here.“ Missy giggled. “I think it’s time we let things play out as they’re supposed to!“ 

——

River found herself materialise on a sort of shuttle, when she managed to catch a glimpse through a window she could just make out Demon’s Run disappearing as they launched into Warp. She cursed still trying to fight her captors but she was quickly put at gun point. 

“You ought to get changed Professor Song.“ One of the soldiers said and threw what looked like an environmental suit to her feet. “We will be arriving at the Library shortly, you have been hired to assist in an expedition, we have been instructed to inform you, that this is the intended time line so diverting from it would be at your own risk.“ River looked at the suit, instantly feeling reminded of when she had been forced into the astronaut suit and made to kill the Doctor. She knew that this had to happen, she knew that she had to play along.

“Cant a girl get some privacy?“ She asked as she picked up the suit eyeing it with disdain.

“We will be there soon.“ The guard informed her and they left for her to get changed. River waited for the door to slide shut and seal, before she started looking around the cabin frantically. She pulled a computer panel off the wall exposing the wires. She knew she had to act quickly, she wouldn’t have much time. She just hoped a distress call would reach the Doctor, telling her where she was headed. 

——

“Oh Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, must be so painful to have had her, and lost her again.“ The Master chuckled feeling a sense of accomplishment at having split them apart. The Doctor took a moment to compose herself, she was determined not to show weakness in front of them. Her mind was already racing with possible scenarios, at least she knew where they were taking her.

“I’m gonna get her back.“ The Doctor retorted calmly but her expression was furious. 

“She’s going to her death either way, it’s a fixed point.“ Missy commented twirling her umbrella.

“How do you even know all this?“ The Doctor asked a question that had been bugging her the whole time. How did the Master even know the details of what happened at the Library to devise a plan like this?

“You don’t think in the whole time you tried to convert me I didn’t grab the opportunity to read your diary?“ The Master asked with a laugh. “So many years… but not all for nought it seems.“

“Of course you did.“ The Doctor laughed shaking her head a little. “She’s right, you are jealous… I think it’s time we were on our way.“ She turned towards her Tardis, gesturing for the Fam to get inside. 

“Don’t you turn your back on me!“ The Master shouted and all of a sudden more soldiers appeared and surrounded them, guns raised.


	8. Virtue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments, hope you all enjoyed Missy as much as I enjoy writing her! With this next chapter, I really hope you like it cause it's some of my favourite bits so far but also some bits I'm not quite happy with but I think it levels out lol! Please let me know what you think!

Chapter 8: Virtue

“Why not? Are you going to shoot me now? I’ll just regenerate. Plus the universe is ending anyway so what’s the point of hanging around here?“ The Doctor shrugged trying her best to sound indifferent. She didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of thinking she cared. It was her attention they wanted, her strongest card, her best play, was to not give it to them.

“You might not die but they will.“ Missy pointed to the Fam. “And if you still fancy yourself a chance of outsmarting us, it would be a terrible shame if you didn’t have an audience for that.“ 

“So what? You want me to stand here and watch the end of the universe with you?“ The Doctor asked turning back around crossing her arms in front of her chest. 

“Like fireworks.“ Missy grinned. 

“Fine.“ The Doctor shrugged and pushed her hands into her pockets. 

“Fine?“ Yaz looked at her in shock. 

“Fine. Let’s have movie night, I presume that screen is there for a reason? Have you got eyes and ears in the Library already?“ The Doctor nodded towards the big screen on the stage. 

“Best seats in the house.“ The Master grinned excitedly.

“Well then, we wouldn’t want to miss that, would we?“ The Doctor looked at her companions who looked back at her absolutely bewildered. “There better be popcorn.“ 

“Doctor, what are you doing?“ Yaz was dumbfounded. 

“What’s the plan?“ Ryan asked confused.

“No plan. Universe is ending, might as well watch.“ The Doctor started wandering around the hanger. “Put the guns down, I’m not going anywhere.“ She waved at the guards who in turn looked towards Missy who gave a shrug and they lowered their rifles. 

“You’re not serious!“ Yaz shouted in shock. 

“What am I gonna do Yaz? River will be at the Library shortly, the one place I can’t go. Can’t cross my own timeline.“ The Doctor pointed out. 

“Surely if the universe is gonna end otherwise, you can break a few of your rules.“ Graham argued. 

“Can’t do it.“ The Doctor shook her head. 

“Oh Doctor I did think you would put up more of a fight.“ The Master chuckled almost disappointedly. 

“If I go, I will damage the time stream for sure. If I don’t interfere, who knows, River might surprise you and defy you after all.“ The Doctor mused as she reached what looked like a make shift laboratory set up.

“That’s not possible.“ The Master retorted decisively. 

“Maybe. Maybe not. We’ll see.“ The Doctor shrugged as she kept looking around seemingly to pass the time. There was all sorts of machinery, medical equipment, there was a chair with straps and a pile of clothes and artefacts that she knew for a fact belonged to her wife. “Quite the set up you have here…“ She mused as she picked up files and instruments briefly examining them. She tried her best to hide her anger and anxiety, she didn’t even want to begin to imagine what they had put River through. She was grateful that she didn’t retain any memory of it and grateful that she hadn’t been able to restore it either.

“It did the job.“ Missy answered in amusement.

“Hm.“ The Doctor started looking through the pile of River’s belongings. “How long till they get to the library?“

“We have a little time.“ Missy replied. “You’re not in a hurry are you?“

“For the end of the universe? No, take your time.“ The Doctor sighed and continued on her walk around the hanger. The Fam watched her utterly confused. They could only assume that she had a plan but thus far, it wasn’t obvious. Maybe she was just buying herself some time until she could figure out what to do. Either way it was probably best to follow her lead. There had to be a purpose to her wandering other than boredom, maybe she was looking for something they could use to escape. 

“So you’re trying to destroy the universe cause you’ve got a thing for the Doctor and she doesn't fancy you back?“ Yaz asked loudly drawing the attention of the Masters, going with the most provocative thing she could think of. Maybe they could distract them and buy the Doctor some time to work out what to do.

“Why is the human talking to me?“ Missy pointed at Yaz, looked to the Master and back again. 

“Just trying to figure out what’s going on here.“ Yaz answered. “Looks like we’re not going anywhere, so…“ 

“You know plotting destruction isn’t the best way of expressing affection.“ Graham jumped in seeing what Yaz was doing. 

“Who cares about affection?“ Missy looked confused. 

“I do give the best gifts though, like that time I gave you a cyberarmy?“ The Master called out unable to look around for the Doctor.

“You gave her a Cyberarmy? Now that is a delightful idea.“ Missy grinned at her future self and also looked around for the Doctor who refrained from responding. “Can you not just stand still for a moment, you’re like a child with ADHD!“ She exclaimed as the Doctor circled around the other side of the screen.

“I will once you get these screens going.“ The Doctor walked right up to the two Masters crossing her arms in front of her chest. “Well?“ 

“I thought you weren’t all that eager to see the end coming.“ The Master responded. 

“I’m eager to see if my wife is okay.“ The Doctor retorted. 

“Spoilers, she won’t be.“ Missy hummed with delight. 

“And neither will you.“ The Master grinned. 

“We’ll see about that when you get the screens working.“ The Doctor nodded towards the screen that was still black. “You wouldn’t be the first to underestimate her…“

“There is nothing to underestimate. She’s a worthless human. Your obsession with that species is what made you turn away from your own people, from me!“ Missy shot back. “They’re insignificant with their tiny lifespans and fragile bodies.“ She gestured towards Ryan, Yaz and Graham who didn’t even know how to respond to that insult.

“Human’s make good pets and that’s about it.“ The Master chuckled. 

“Though I get the distinct impression you enjoy being your human’s pet a lot more,“ Missy said with disdain, the very thought of it repulsing her. Marrying and belonging to that one person for all of space and time was so very … human. “Its disgraceful.“

“Sorry, I’m just not that into you.“ The Doctor replied. “Got a wife already. Don't need a lover to boot.“ Two - well three technically - could play this game. 

“Shoot, we should have ask River, one psychopath to another, how one goes about winning the heart of the immortal Goddess that you fancy yourself.“ Missy mimicked upset. 

“I’m not a God, just an idiot in a box.“ The Doctor stated pushing her hands into her pockets.

“Well that we can agree on.“ Missy jabbed her finger in her chest. 

“I think the thing that I find so hypocritical Doctor is that she’s more like us than she is like you.“ The Master interrupted. “She doesn’t share your insufferable regard for any living thing, she’s done bad things, she’s been vindictive and vengeful and killed so I guess what I’m asking is, aren’t you just settling for a less permanent version of us?“ He mused with a sly grin.

“She is nothing like you!“ The Doctor laughed in disbelief. “Unlike you, River doesn’t go around killing people for the fun of it, she’s not evil or selfish. You know what the most significant difference is?“ She looked at Missy and jabbed her right back. “When put to the test, she will choose to sacrifice herself for the life of others, she has given up her regenerations, to save me. She is going to kill herself saving everyone in that Library and you are trying to tell me that you’re the same?“

Ryan, Yaz and Graham exchanged questioning glances. Did they hear her right? Did she say River would kill herself?

“She's not going to get as far as that this time around.“ The Master argued.

“Maybe not but I’ve seen her do it. In fact, it’s the first thing I saw her do and it’s informed everything that happened since then, because I know that in the end when it comes down to it, she will make the good choice, the noble choice. Good is good in the final hour, in the deepest pit – without hope, without witness, without reward. Virtue is only virtue in extremis.” The Doctor did her best to bite back her emotions, River’s own words from her diary tumbled over her lips so easily, they had burned themselves into her hearts and mind. Until this moment she had never really thought about or understood why she loved River as much as she did but it all made sense now. She had never seen it more clearly. River wasn’t perfect. None of them were, it wasn’t about that. River understood her like no-one else and for all her flaws, she embodied the one thing that mattered to her most. If put to the test she would always, always make the right choice, the noble choice. Not because it was fun or easy but because it was right, it was decent and above all, kind. And the Doctor knew this because it was her very first experience of her, something that defined her so clearly in her mind. “You on the other hand, would not know how to make that choice. When I gave you that chance, when I asked you to stand with me, you refused. You know, part of me actually thought you were going to come back.“ She looked at the Master now, knowing that Missy wouldn’t have those memories yet. 

“Funny thing is Doctor, I was.“ He shot back spitefully hoping to shock her with this revelation. “But I got the better of myself. And a good thing it is too. After I regenerated I had a lot of time to think and when I was looking around Gallifrey, well, that helped me make up my mind in a double heartbeat.“ 

The Doctor paused for a moment, she looked back at Missy who seemed to be at a bit of a loss but was doing her best to hide it. Interesting. That was something the Master clearly hadn’t shared with his younger self in much detail. Maybe there was hope yet, maybe she had managed to make an impact after all if Missy had been willing to join her before. She could only presume that what the Master meant was that his previous self that had been with her at the time had prevented her from doing it. That was the big difference between these two versions of the Master, Missy was clearly acting out of jealousy, she genuinely still just wanted to have her best friend back, whereas the Master at the end of his timeline was filled with nothing but hate and thoughts of revenge. Maybe it was something she could use.

“Missy, you know you don’t have to do this, you don’t have to go along with him.“ The Doctor said focusing on the woman in front of her.

“Oh please Doctor, don’t embarrass yourself.“ The Master rolled his eyes. 

“Don’t listen to him. If what you want is for us to start over, if you prove to me you’re willing to try and change, by helping me stop this whole thing…“ She reached out for Missy’s hands and took them in hers hoping to strike up some sort of connection. She was still at the beginning of her timeline and hadn’t made any of the experiences that had brought them closer but she hoped there was something there, in their long history together, something that wasn’t tainted by the revelations about the Doctor’s true origins. 

“I told you she would try this, didn’t I.“ The Master piped up again and the Doctor tried to ignore him and focus on Missy instead. 

“Doctor, who are you trying to fool, we both know that no matter what happens here, if time carries on, I will end up like that.“ Missy sighed nodding towards her future self. There was no denying that but since the Master had interfered in his own timeline already now, maybe if the Doctor could get Missy onside earlier, gain her trust now, maybe things could go differently for her. 

“Time can be rewritten.“ The Doctor said. 

“It has already happened, it is a fixed point unless you fancy creating another paradox.“ Missy reminded her. “It’s a nice idea but no.“ She leaned forward and pressed a brief kiss onto her cheeks. The Doctor didn’t respond, she just looked back at her confused as well as disappointed. “Just…no.“

“Oh look the show is about to start.“ The Master announced as the screen came to life displaying various camera angles of the inside of the library. Missy pulled her hands away from the Doctor and took a step away from her turning towards the screen. The Doctor took a deep breath composing herself before she looked up at the screen as well. 

“Oh you’re there already, very prompt.“ Missy observed spotting the Tardis. “What was it again that brought him there?“ She looked over to the quicksilver version of herself. 

“Distress call from Professor Song herself.“ The Master answered. 

“That’s why you insisted on leaving the comm system access in the back of the shuttle, oh I’m so clever.“ Missy grinned looking back at the screen. 

“Is that you Doctor?“ Yaz asked finding the whole thing utterly surreal. There was the Tardis on screen, definitely the Doctor’s Tardis but it wasn’t the petite blonde they had come to know that stepped out of it, it was a lanky man with brown uncombed hair.

“You do have a fondness for coats don’t you.“ Graham observed with a chuckle but the Doctor didn’t respond. There was Donna. She missed her, she still thought about her sometimes, the way she had had to take her memories still got to her. The Library seemed like so long ago now, thousands of years in her personal timeline, but she still remembered every detail. That was one adventure she would never forget. 

——

“Ah there you are Professor Song, I thought you had stood us up.“ The man River knew as Strackman Lux greeted her, slightly displeased by her late arrival as she was brought onto his ship. They were clearly ready to go and just waiting for her. She tried her best to remember the details she had read in the mission briefing before her abduction, it was only coming back slowly, she had done extensive research, most of which seemed to have remained from before the memory wipe. “Who are these guys?“

“My ride.“ River answered off hand intending to create as little time line ripples as possible.

“They will need to sign non-disclosure agreements too.“ 

“Don’t worry about them. Are we all set up and ready to go?“ She was eager to get rid off the soldiers. She knew now that she was here with no means of time travel, there was no other way but to face what was in store. She took a deep breath composing herself.

“Ready when you are Professor, where are your things?“

“Right here.“ One of the soldiers pushed a bag into River’s hands before departing, they seemed to have accomplished their bit. River unzipped it, just to see what she was working with. There were a number of tools, provisions and to her surprise, her diary and the sonic screwdriver that the Doctor had given to her on Darillium. She didn’t have much time to dwell on thoughts as to why, Lux was anxious for them to go. 

On was way down to the surface of the library planet, River went over what she should or shouldn’t know, how she should act when she encountered the Doctor, assuming she had an option. She was still wearing the neuro inhibitor so she hoped she would be able to fight it. Part of her wished she didn’t have all this foreknowledge, it was a dangerous thing. She took a deep breath trying to get herself in her scientific mindset, pretend to herself and the others that she was actually going on this expedition of her own free will. She did feel slightly better for it as it was giving her something else to focus on. For brief moments as she spoke with the other members of the team, she even forgot the dreadful situation she was in. These people were her colleagues, acquaintances, people she knew and related to, she wasn’t alone and even if she was the only one that knew of the burden she carried, she drew strength from them.

They landed their shuttle and the whole group put on their helmets before setting off to explore the Library. And then suddenly there he was as they entered yet another room. She recognised him immediately, even without the picture in the Doctor’s bedroom, he was impossible to miss. She reminded herself to carry on just like she would if this was just any other encounter. So she walked up to him, realising that this time together now would determine the course of their relationship. No pressure. She knew the best course of action would be just to be herself and anything that happened, she would just have to deal with. She untainted her visor and smiled at his youthful face. 

“Hello Sweetie.“ It was the only thing she could possibly think of to say and the complete lack of recognition hurt more than she imagined. 

“Get out.“ The Doctor stepped past her and pointed to the door. River took a deep breath as she felt a wave of nausea come over here and she felt like she was losing her orientation. She struggled for control, pushing the feelings to the back of her mind. The inhibitor was doing its job, it would buy her some time but she could already feel the effects of the conditioning, she took it as a victory that she hadn’t snapped straight away. She looked back around as the Doctor was berating them about needing to leave. What was actually going on in this Library? 

——

The Doctor let go of the breath she hadn’t even realised she was holding when River and the rest of the archeology team took off their helmets. River looked fine, she was even joking about dating androids. The Masters were exchanging a questioning look.

“Neuro inhibitor.“ The Doctor spoke up enjoying the brief moment of success. “Gives her a fighting chance.“ 

“A neuro inhibitor can’t delay the effects forever.“ The Master shot back displeased. 

“Goodness, is killing you going to take all day?“ Missy sighed exasperated as they watched River introduce herself to the Doctor’s past self. 

“It might…“ The Doctor allowed herself a smile as she crossed her arms in front of her chest remembering River using that exact phrase. What a first date that had been. 

“You think yourself incredibly clever, don’t you.“ The Master growled. 

“I am clever.“ The Doctor retorted.

“Hopefully clever enough to realise that if for whatever reason this doesn’t work, we still have you right here.“ Missy bit back and jabbed her umbrella against her sternum. The Doctor stumbled back a couple of steps and rubbed the sore spot.

“Then I think it’s time we said our goodbyes, what do you think Fam?“ She looked around at them.

“About time I think.“ Graham nodded. 

“Yeah, I’m good to go.“ Ryan agreed looking around at the soldiers who hesitantly started raising their guns, sensing something was about to happen.

“Time for plan B.“ The Doctor announced with a smile on her face, she looked around to the Tardis as if expecting something to happen. The Masters just exchanged questioning looks. Nothing happened. “Dorium??“ The Doctor prompted. “Plan B was the code word!“ Just then, the lights went out leaving the hanger in darkness. 

“DOCTOR.“ Missy and the Master bellowed simultaneously. There was chaos, the only light sources were the screen and the stasis field the Cyberium was held in to support it. Missy shouted to the soldiers to apprehend them as the Tardis doors swung open welcoming the companions to safety. The Doctor however, didn’t run. Illuminated just enough by the screen she pulled out her sonic screwdriver and directed it at the stasis field which disengaged immediately. The Cyberium lost the shape of the Master’s face and returned to it’s liquid form looking almost lost for a moment. 

“No, you don’t!“ Missy shouted but the Doctor had already made up her mind, she rushed forward and allowed the Cyberium to enter into her hand, fuse itself to her like it had done before but this time, there was another presence. It was a huge gamble but she couldn’t allow the Master to continue on his way. Missy had all of her timeline left to complete, she would have to let her go, but she was determined to put an end to the Master’s meddling at least. The Doctor cried out in pain. The Master’s consciousness was there, in her mind, struggling for control but she wouldn’t allow it. She pushed him back, further and further, trying to contain him to the AI in her bloodstream. For a moment she thought she knew what River was most likely experiencing right now. She quickly realised it had been a stupid idea. 

“Doctor!“ Yaz’s voice seemed to come from far away, a warning that she couldn’t heed quick enough. Missy wrapped her arm around the Doctor’s shoulder’s from behind and pressed a knife to her throat. 

“Let him go.“ She hissed threateningly. It wasn’t as if the Doctor could have held on to him any longer anyway, his presence was too strong, she felt like her mind was breaking apart. She didn’t envy Madame Kovarian one bit. She hated the woman for what she had done to River and Amy but this… She let the Cyberium go and felt immediately liberated as it returned to its previous host unable to keep its shape without the stasis field. 

“Nice try.“ Madame Kovarian, or rather the Master inside her, growled. “Not quite as clever as you think you are, ey?“ The Doctor blinked, slightly numb and disoriented. The lights flickered back on as their escape attempt remained just that, they were outnumbered and too slow. She should have just run.

“I’m sorry Doctor.“ Dorium’s voice came from somewhere behind her. The soldiers had dragged the companions and Dorium out of the Tardis as he Doctor hadn’t been quick enough to join them and get them all to safety. What a wasted opportunity. 

“Get down!“ Missy hissed and pushed her down onto her knees in front of her. The Doctor didn’t have the energy to struggle, she dropped down and Missy grabbed her hair and pulled her head back pressing the knife to her throat. “I think it’s just about to get good.“ She whispered in her ear as she made her look up at the screen. River was visibly struggling.


	9. Choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took a while, I struggled more than I thought I would, I'm not 100% happy but it's not gonna get any better from staring at it lol. Anyway I really hope you like it as we start tying things up :)  
> Let me know what you think!

Chapter 9: Choices

River took a deep breath, and squeezed her eyes shut. This was getting too much, every interaction with the Doctor got more and more draining as she kept up her pretence, she couldn’t let him see what was going on, she couldn’t give in to these feelings. Several times now, she had reached for the gun in her bag without even thinking about it and it was getting harder and harder to stop herself. Her senses were going numb. She tried her best to focus on the problem at hand but she couldn’t clear her mind. 

By now she was sure no-one was coming to rescue her. She thought of the Doctor who was more than likely still in the clutches of the Master. She had no way of knowing what they were doing to her or if she stood any chance of escaping, River had to assume she was on her own. It seemed that in the end, it was up to her to foil the Master’s plan even though the only possible way was at her own expense. She tried her best not to panic as she was making her peace with that fact. There were a lot of things more important than her at stake in this so it was an easy decision. She could have laughed at the irony of it all. After everything that had happened to her in her life, it boiled down to this. One decision that was hardly a decision at all. Without hope, without witness, without reward. She remembered writing it not so long ago, little had she known at the time that she would become to embody those words.

This adventure was heading for its conclusion… She wasn’t scared of dying, she had faced that prospect many times. She wished, however, that it could be under different circumstances. She wished the Doctor was here, her Doctor, a Doctor that knew and loved her. The Master’s words echoed in her head about how this Doctor didn’t care for her. He was beginning to understand that she would be important to him one day but it wasn’t enough. There was another nagging thought, the fact that she didn’t know how this adventure would conclude if left to run its course. Was something meant to happen between her and this Doctor that would set their story in motion? Or was it enough just to have met one another at this point? She needed their story to continue, she couldn’t let time be rewritten and their time together disappear into nothingness. No, that would be one sacrifice too many. She had to make sure this Doctor would remember her and understand that she was an important part to his future. She knew one surefire way of proving her importance, it made for a much more poetic ending that shooting herself would. 

Her breathing was laboured now and it wasn’t from all the running they had been doing. She was trying to answer her colleagues questions about the Doctor to the best of her abilities but she was struggling.

“He doesn't act like he trusts you.“ She heard Anita say.

“Yeah, there's a tiny problem. He hasn't met me yet.“ River breathed through the pain. She knew she didn’t have much time left. It was now or never. She got to her feet gathering her last bit of strength. She took a deep breath clearing her mind for one final conversation, the finish line was in sight.

——

The Doctor stared at the screen, the adrenaline was sharpening her senses and pulling her back to the present. She winced as Missy’s knife nicked her skin. 

“Oops, slipped…“ Missy giggled and tightened her grip on the Doctor’s hair. “I think we’re nearly there.“ The Doctor clenched her jaw.

“God, you’re hard work young.“ River said on screen and the Doctor’s hearts started racing, she knew what was about to come, she could only imagine what was going on in her wife’s mind right now. Tears were blurring her vision, the guilt was forming a knot in her stomach making her feel sick, this was torture. All she could think of was what River was feeling right now. The desperation, only seeing the one way out. Knowing what she had to do, gathering her courage, she was incredible in this moment and every moment. Forcing this decision on her was one of the worst things she’d ever done but it was the only way.

“I’m sorry.“ The Doctor whispered. 

“What is she…“ Yaz was struggling to make sense of everything. She glanced to the Doctor who was in tears, her heart sank, maybe the situation was hopeless.

“I think I neglected to mention that River implanted herself with a cyanide capsule…“ The Doctor thought it was time to fill the Master in that their plan would not go off without a hitch. 

“What?“ Madame Kovarian looked at her confused and Missy frowned. 

“What does that have to do with anything?“ 

“Last resort for when she can’t control herself any longer… you know some people would rather kill themselves than hurt the people they love…“ The Doctor replied looking at River feeling her heart swell with pride and love, she pulled herself together.

“No…“ Missy looked up at the screen as she was putting the pieces together. If River killed herself before she went for the Doctor, their plan would be ruined. 

“It’s the only card she has left to play…“ The Doctor said.

“Well at least one of you will die!“ Missy growled in anger to have been tricked like this. Maybe River wouldn’t do it, maybe the conditioning would take her over first. Or maybe she wouldn’t have the heart to do it.

“She’s going to tell him your name!“ Yaz realised as River spoke of wanting to tell him something that would prove what she meant to him. 

“The activation code for the capsule.“ Ryan added. The Doctor didn’t respond, they all watched with baited breath. 

——

River felt numb, it was probably best like that, not being able to feel the full range of emotions to what she was about to do. All she could think about was the Doctor now. Her Doctor. Imagining looking into her wife’s eyes instead of these very young ones. She wasn’t being brave, she told herself, she would be doing this for two very selfish reasons. One to save him, to save their time together, hoping it would be enough to let their story continue, even if she wasn’t in it anymore. The other was that she hoped that in her final moment, he would see her, really see her and realise that knowing his name could only mean one thing. Prove how close they were, who she was to him and then maybe, there would be something in his eyes that she could hold on to in her last moment. Her time had come. 

“I am sorry. I’m really very sorry.“ She heard herself saying and leaned forward to whisper his name into his ear fully prepared to die.

——

The all held their breath as River pulled back but nothing happened! She blinked, she was still breathing, looking back at the Doctor. 

“She’s fine!“ Yaz exclaimed in disbelief. 

River was visibly changed, suddenly relieved and light, almost relaxed. It became immediately obvious that whatever was happening to her had passed. She smiled, genuinely smiled and Missy immediately realised the conditioning was gone. 

“What happened? Why didn’t it work?“ Missy shouted in anger. “Why has she just stopped? She can’t have just got herself out of it!“ 

“She should be dead.“ Graham stated utterly confused. 

“She never tried to kill herself at all! You must have done something wrong, her conditioning was faulty.“ Madame Kovarian - the Master - growled and Missy pointed her finger at her.

“You just shut up, every step of the way you have been a nuisance.“

“I’m the reason we even have this plan!“ The Master retorted angrily.   
“Yes and it’s failing!“ Missy shot back. 

“Poor execution.“ The Master barked. 

“Poor conception!“ Missy snapped. 

“Very poor anticipation of your opponents next move.“ The Doctor interjected.

“What have you done?!“ Missy demanded to know and tightened her grip on the Doctor’s hair. 

“Saved myself. And my wife, she really was about to kill herself you know? Time and again you underestimate the lengths to which we will go for love.“ She balled her hands to fists. She was glad that she had been right, that River had the strength of her convictions, able to make the hard choices, it was a terrifying thought but she loved her even more for it. “But I won’t let her die for me, not this time.“

“I’ve not let you out of my sight, what did you do?!“ Missy tore at her hair and pressed the knife to her throat hard enough, to break the skin again. 

“Two Masters and neither one of you can figure it out? Reminds me of temporal mechanics back at the academy. You never had an aptitude for cause and effect.“ The Doctor smirked trying her best not to move.

“Spit it out before I slice your throat open!“ Missy growled. 

“Just a little slight of the hand while no-one was looking… chemical conditioning, very effective, very clever, one huge disadvantage though… any substance can be contracted with the right kind of injection.“

——

Earlier….

The Doctor slipped the vials into her coat pocket as she had her back turned towards the Masters pretending to be casually looking around. She pulled the vortex manipulator from River’s belongings and fastened it to her wrist while no-one was looking. “How long till they get to the library?“ She asked as she set time and coordinates. 

“We have a little time.“ Missy replied. “You’re not in a hurry are you?“

“For the end of the universe? No, take your time.“ The Doctor sighed, covered her manipulator with her sleeve and continued on her walk around the hanger. She took exact note of the current time and her opportunity came when Yaz drew everybody else’s attention. She just needed a moment. She engaged the vortex manipulator and made the jump into the past. 

She felt dizzy and a bit nauseous as the walls of River’s office at Lunar University appeared around her. She hated travelling like this but she didn’t have another option, she set the exact time and coordinates for her return journey to be on the safe side, then she had a look around. She was pleased that she had got the timing right, this was after River had been kidnapped but before they had come back here with her. She knew technically she had all the time in the universe, such was the nature of time travel but she decided to hurry anyway, she would feel much better once she knew her plan was all set. She pulled all the vials from her coat and placed them on the desk, then she headed for the book shelf where she knew River’s safe to be. Luckily she had not only remembered the pin code from when she had watched her wife open it, she also had an idea for how she was going to get her handprint off the multiple surfaces in the office. It didn’t take her long until she had opened the safe and retrieved the little case that she knew contained the cyanide capsule. She carried it to the desk and started studying the vials for which one would have the desired effect. 

——

“I put the antidote in the capsule, when River said my name it released into her system, there was never cyanide in there while she’s had it in her body.“ The Doctor explained smugly and revealed the vortex manipulator on her wrist. “Remember, I already lived through this, I knew she would say my name.“

“You always have to have the last word, don’t you. Fine, then I’ll just have to kill you now.“ Missy decided having heard enough. 

“Oh please, try, just give me a reason, please, try.“ A female voice sounded and the Doctor grinned. 

“More surprises.“ 

Missy looked around and for every one of her soldiers there were two in nearly identical uniforms holding them at gunpoint. 

“Sorry I’m late Doctor, traffic was hell.“ Tasha Lam smirked as she stepped out of the shadows.

“So hard getting accurate intel these days. Even Dorium thought this was the last of Church you have gathered here.“ The Doctor grinned and carried on explaining. “To be fair, I didn’t realise they were still out there either until Dorium and I spoke to a very helpful chap on Maldovar. That wasn’t even what we went to see them about but sometimes the universe provides a solution.“

“I stand corrected.“ Dorium admitted which seemed a humous thing to say for someone who existed as just a head.

Before Missy could think of a clever reply, Tasha pulled a gun on her and shot her down.

“Hey, I wanted to hear what she had to say.“ The Doctor scrambled to her feet and touched her throat surveying the blood on her fingers. First the bruises, now this, what a mess. 

“Can’t take that chance when she has a knife to your throat.“ Tasha retorted. “She’ll wake up in a little bit.“ A soldier cuffed Missy as the men belonging to the Kovarian chapter dropped their weapons and surrendered. 

“Why do you people just refuse to die.“ Madame Kovarian groaned, how could things have gone so wrong? With Missy unconscious on the floor, River’s conditioning undone and the Doctor smiling that infuriating I’m better than you smile; the Master - being a realist - was working on an escape plan. He would have to get to the Doctor another time. 

“Doctor, what’s happening?“ Yaz drew everyone’s attention. 

“We’ve won, we got them.“

“No, Doctor, what’s River doing?“ 

The Doctor looked around back to the screen and her heart sank. Of course. Time would just carry on. River was just hooking herself up to the main computer after having knocked out the Doctor’s previous self. The Doctor didn’t know what to say. She knew this had to happen but up until this moment she had been so preoccupied with dealing with the Master and making sure the timeline continued that she had pushed it from her mind.

“You don’t have to watch this, Doctor.“ Dorium said who knew what was about to happen. 

“No, I do… I owe it to her.“ The Doctor’s voice was weak but determined. She took a deep breath and looked up to the screen blinking away tears. 

“Oh Doctor, some small consolation at least, seeing you watching her die a second time and being just as helpless.“ The Master commented with a smirk. 

“Shut up.“ She hissed. 

“Funny thing is, this means you've always known how I was going to die.“ River told the Doctor on screen and went on to talk about Darillium. A much happier time. The Doctor didn’t blame her for missing out their current misadventures. 

“Doctor we’ve got to do something!“ Yaz insisted.

“Can’t…“ The Doctor shook her head. 

“You can’t let her die, you just saved her.“ Graham agreed.

“It’s already happened, it’s ancient history.“ The Doctor gave a sad smile. 

“There's only one reason I would ever tell anyone my name. There's only one time I could.“ The Doctor on screen was saying. 

“Hush now. Spoilers.“ River whispered and connected the wires. Yaz clasped her hands to her mouth in shock, Ryan grabbed on to his grandfather’s hand and Graham just stared at the screen in shock. The Doctor hung her head and wiped her face with her sleeve. Even though she had known that it was coming, even though she had already experienced it, this hurt infinitely more than the first time around. She hadn’t known River back then, now the weight of it was threatening to crush her. Tasha placed her hand on her shoulder offering what little comfort she could.

“I’m sorry Doctor.“ 

“Virtue is only virtue in extremis…“ Dorium mused. “She was a force to be reckoned with, your wife.“ 

“Yaz, Ryan, Graham, I need you to do something for me, well, two things actually.“ The Doctor turned away from the screen and towards the Fam who looked at her with devastation and compassion in their eyes. She took a deep breath composing herself. She tried her best to lock the pain away for the time being until things were resolved and she was able to face it.

“Of course.“ Yaz said and Ryan agreed:

“Anything.“

“I need you to go down there and get River’s body, can you do that for me? I won’t let her body be consumed by the Vashta Nerada. Tasha, can you give them a shuttle, it’s not that far… but I can’t take the Tardis and I can’t go myself, crossing my timeline.“ The Doctor explained trying to sound matter of factly. 

“Of course Doctor.“ Graham said and the others nodded. 

“Whatever we can do to help.“ Yaz said. “What’s the other thing?“ Before the Doctor could answer, Tasha interrupted as she gave Missy a little nudge with her foot.

“So Doctor, how do you actually kill a timelord?“

“We can’t kill her, there is a lot she has to do still, she’s only starting out.“ The Doctor retorted mindful of the integrity of the timeline.

“So what? We let her go?“ Tasha looked back at her with a frown. 

“She won’t remember any of this, with her future self here, her memories should be distorted. Put her in prison, she’ll find a way out and be on her way but at least it’s a little bit of a punishment.“ The Doctor decided it was the best course of action. She had seen Missy’s future and it had to happen the way it did. 

“And what about…“ Tasha gestured towards Madame Kovarian. 

“Now that’s an entirely different matter.“ The Doctor turned towards her. “And the other thing I was referring to.“ She stepped up to Madame Kovarian who smirked at her.

“You may have gotten yourself out of this one Doctor but watching you lose your little human wife regardless is a small consolation prize.“ She said. “Does it hurt, Doctor?“

“You wouldn't be able to understand anyway.“ The Doctor replied. “I feel sorry for you.“ She was addressing the Master now rather than Kovarian who was hidden somewhere deep inside. 

“For me?“ The Master laughed. 

“You’re pathetic. Not only are you a shadow of who you used to be, you have nothing left to live for. It was a very elaborate suicide attempt but you can’t even kill yourself properly.“ The Doctor pushed her hands into her pockets. “Don’t worry, I have just the idea of how to help you.“

“You, of all people, are going to kill me?“ The Master laughed not taking her seriously. 

“No, you won’t get off that easily.“ She pulled something from her pocket that looked like a small hard drive. She dropped it onto the floor before her feet and soniced it. It started emitting a sort of beam that looked a lot like a whirlpool. 

“Do you really think I’m just gonna hop on in there, Doctor?“ Madame Kovarian - the Master - snarled. “I actually quite like it in here, rather comfy.“ 

“I’m afraid you won’t have a choice.“ The Doctor retorted and reached forward, pressing her fingertips to the side of her face remembering what she had done to Percy Shelley to get the Cyberium out of him. The Master tried to pull away but his control over Madame Kovarian’s body waned when the Doctor forced his mind back. It was infinitely harder than things had been with Shelly. She had to push past the Master’s consciousness and reach Madame Kovarian. It was her mind she needed to push to the moment of it’s death to fool the Cyberium into thinking she had died. The Master struggled, trying to defend his territory but the Doctor was determined. “I am so much more than you.“ She pressed through gritted teeth and with a gasp, Madame Kovarian fell backwards as the Cyberium shot out of her. It got caught in the whirlpool of light and was dragged down into the hard drive that snapped shut. “Back in your box.“ The Doctor took a deep breath collecting herself before she picked up the device. She turned to the Fam who looked at her with worry and admiration in equal measures. “Take this with you, it’s perfectly safe. I’ll tell you what to do with it when you get there.“ The three of them nodded in unison and the Doctor handed over the hard drive to Graham who in turn handed it off to Ryan who passed it to Yaz who rolled her eyes.

“I’d rather not carry that, if you don’t mind.“ Graham explained. 

“Men.“ Yaz sigh exasperated and put the hard drive in her coat pocket as they departed accompanied by a couple of the real Church soldiers.

“As for you…“ The Doctor took a step towards Madame Kovarian who was slowly getting to her feet clearly still disoriented. The Doctor grabbed her by the collar and pulled her up. There were so many things she wanted to say and do to her, after everything that she had put River through.

“I… I didn’t know they were planning this, I had no control over…“ Madame Kovarian started but the Doctor interrupted her. 

“I don’t care what you did or didn’t do this time around, how much you knew, what you did for them or what they offered you. What I care about is what you did to my wife through the course of her life.“ She shoved her backwards, a kind of anger running through her that she rarely felt or allowed to guide her actions. But in this moment, she had no desire to repress it. After watching River die again, her emotions were raw. 

“We… we only did it to stop you from reaching Tranzelore, prevent the time war…“ She stammered looking at Tasha for help.

“With unsanctioned methods.“ The head of the Church shot back. 

“You took her childhood away from her. You made her…“ The Doctor’s voice was low and threatening. 

“We made her special. Surely without her skills, you…“ Madame Kovarian tried to justify herself. 

“She has always been special.“ The Doctor interrupted her icily. How dare she claim that they had done her a favour?

“We never intended…“

“You took my best friend’s daughter.“ The Doctor carried on as she looked around Demon’s Run remembering Amy’s cries of pain at having her daughter taken. “Right here… you sealed your fate that day.“ 

“What do you want to do with her?“ Tasha asked stepping up behind her, she had her full support, it was the least she could do after the damage the Church had done to her.

“River wasted years of her life in Stormcage for a crime she didn’t not commit. Just one of the many things she’s responsible for. Would make for a fitting place to spend the rest of her days.“


	10. Consciousness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Thank you so much for your lovely comments, here is the final chapter! It ended up being a bit longer than expected but I didn't want to cut it in two lol. I really hope you all enjoy the conclusion and that it does the story justice. Please let me know what you think! <3

Chapter 10: Consciousness

“How are you holding up Doctor?“ Tasha asked tentatively. They had moved from the hangar to the command centre which displayed the video feed from the library just as well but without the ridiculous drama of the big screen. The Doctor sat in front of the screens awaiting the arrival of her friends in silence. 

“Fine.“ She retorted.

“You get more stubborn with every regeneration.“ Tasha frowned sensing she wasn’t going to get anything out of her. 

“Getting cranky in my old age…“ The Doctor retorted and crossed her arms in front of her chest as she leaned back in the chair. 

“Are you sure you want do this?“ Dorium asked. He sat in his box on the control desk in front of the Doctor facing towards the screens. 

“Yes.“ The Doctor replied without a second thought. 

“I guess I’m just wondering if morally speaking…“

“When has that ever bothered you?“ She wouldn’t let him finish.

“No but this is your decision, you’re the one that needs to be able to live with it…“ Dorium carried on.

“I am.“ The Doctor stated and he accepted that to be the end of the conversation as just at that moment, the Fam’s shuttle had docked. 

“There they are.“ The Doctor leaned forward to watch more closely. The Fam had just disembarked the shuttle and were making their way through the gift shop where people were gradually departing being teleported off world. She knew her previous self was there somewhere reuniting with Donna. Before she could ask, Tasha held out what looked like a sophisticated walkie talkie and the Doctor took it. “Hey can you hear me?“ On screen she could make out one of the soldiers that were accompanying them hand a similar device to Yaz.

“Is that you Doctor?“ Her voice came across the video. 

“Yeah it’s me. I’ll direct you to the data core.“ The Doctor replied.

“Will it not look a bit suspicious when we carry her out of there?“ Yaz asked looking around at the people slowly making their way off the library planet. It wasn’t exactly like the place was already empty and no-one would see them. 

“Once you got her, we’ll be able to log on to your signal and teleport you back to the shuttle.“ The Doctor offered a solution and looked at Tasha who nodded in confirmation. 

——

“Is anyone else weirded out by the shadows?“ Graham asked making sure not to get too close to any of them.

“I’m pretty sure the past Doctor agreed on a day to get the people out…“ Yaz replied trying to reassure him as much as herself as she eyed the shadows with concern. 

“Let’s make sure we’re well clear of here by then.“ Ryan said. They reached the platform that took them to the core of the planet. There was no-one in this part of the library, everyone was departing in a hurry. It was a shame really, such a beautiful world, a magnificent idea, to be deserted. The Fam hardly had time to take in any of the sights during their short visit, they stayed focused on the task at hand. When they reached the data core, they didn’t need the Doctor’s instructions to find River. She remained in the chair, lifeless, her body charred from the electricity that ran through her. None of them said anything, they could think of no appropriate words. They hadn’t known her well but her actions spoke louder than any words could. The Doctor had been right. Virtue in the darkest hour. It hadn’t been in vain, they had seen all the people she had saved and that included the Doctor. It added another dimension to the astounding relationship they had had. 

“I’ll get her…“ Ryan offered at last when none of them felt able to move and he climbed the steps to the chair before slowly unhooking her from the wires. Carefully he lifted her up cradling her in his arms, her body suddenly looked a lot smaller without her impressive presence commanding the room. “Ready?“ He asked the others.

“Ryan, Graham, take her back to the shuttle.“ The Doctor’s voice came across the radio. “Yaz have you got the hard drive?“

“Of course.“ She replied, as if she would have lost it…

“Sorry but I need you to hang back a little bit and hide, something else has to happen first.“ The Doctor said and Yaz frowned.

“Like, you want them to go teleport to the shuttle and I stay here?“ She didn’t like the sound of that at all.

“Not for any length of time but I - my previous self - will be back to do something and you have to wait for that to happen. And I can’t see you, so…“

“Right…“

“Sorry. Timing…“ The Doctor sounded regretful. This series of events did however explain why River’s body had been gone when she had returned to the data core. 

“It’s fine just… make sure you teleport me out later as well, don’t leave me.“ She looked at the boys who nodded in confirmation. There was no way they would leave her behind.

“I’ll be here.“ The Doctor reassured her.

“Right okay, you guys go ahead then.“ Yaz took a deep breath not happy about this at all but she looked for a place to hide as the soldiers stepped up to Ryan and Graham and they teleported back to the ship. It was just in time as well because she could hear footsteps, someone was running towards the core. From the alcove she had chosen as her hiding place, Yaz could see the young Doctor pelting towards the main computer, screwdriver in hand. It was the screwdriver they had seen River use. In a mad rush, he pushed it into the computer and a wide grin of accomplishment spread across his face. Yaz watched in confusion, she wanted to ask the Doctor what had happened but knew she had to remain quiet. Luckily the Doctor didn’t linger and soon she was sure he had left and she get out of her hiding place.

“Doctor, what did you just do?“ 

“Something very clever.“ There was pride in the Doctor’s voice. “I managed to save her consciousness to the data core.“

“Shut up!“

“Her body might be dead but her mind is safe in the computer.“ The Doctor explained, Yaz could almost hear the smile in her voice. “I need you to bring her.“

“But she hasn’t got a body?“ Yaz stated slightly confused as to how this would be beneficial. 

“One problem at a time!“ The Doctor retorted. 

“So what? You want me to download her onto my phone?“ Yaz had no clue what to do. 

“Not enough storage.“

“The old screwdriver?“ She realised the younger Doctor had left it hooked up to the computer.

“No, that only works for a short period of time, I need more capacity, more advanced tech…“ The Doctor explained. 

“You don’t mean…“ The penny dropped or Yaz. 

“It’s not ideal but it’s all I’ve been able to come up with, the Cyberium is our best chance.“ The Doctor confirmed her suspicion. 

“But the Master…“ Yaz pulled out the hard drive. 

“I can’t think of a better place to isolate him than in a virtual reality on a planet that eats every living thing. We haven’t got time to argue about it now. Once the one day truce is up, the Vashta Nerada will have their planet back and there will be no way of ever getting back at that computer so if we’re gonna get River, we have to do it now.“ The Doctor laid things out for her. 

“What do I even do?!“ Yaz felt like she was about to have a panic attack, if she messed this up, not only was there a good chance the cyberium and the Master might escape but also there was a good chance she would actually kill the Doctor’s wife. That was a lot of responsibility all of a sudden.

“I’m sorry Yaz, if I could be there and do it, I would.“ The Doctor said sounding regretful. It was a lot to put on her but they had no choice now. “Go and speak to the computer interface, her name is CAL. Tell her I’ve sent you and that you need her help.“

“Right okay…“ She walked up to the oddly shaped body that carried the face of a little girl. “Hi, sorry, CAL? I’m Yaz, the Doctor sent me…“ The girl actually opened her eyes and looked back at her. It was quite creepy and made Yaz jump.

“The Doctor was just here.“ The little girl retorted. 

“Yes, well, same Doctor but older, later… Sorry, I don’t know how to explain it, time travel, please believe me, I need your help to rescue Professor Song.“ Yaz tried to explain. 

“River Song has been saved.“ CAL answered as if she didn’t quite understand the question. 

“Yes, so I understand, I… need to take her with me… and leave someone else in return. Am I getting that right?“ Yaz looked at the radio for confirmation. 

“Yes. Show her the hard drive.“ The Doctor’s voice came across the radio. 

“Who are you talking to?“ CAL questioned suspiciously. 

“The Doctor.“ Yaz answered but the little girl was all but convinced. 

“That’s not the Doctor, we just spoke to him.“

“Get River, let us speak with her.“ The Doctor called out to make sure CAL would hear her. She hadn’t considered that CAL wouldn’t realise that there would be more versions of him. CAL seemed to consider the request for a moment, then decided it couldn’t do much harm. The head of the statue turned and as it turned back CAL’s face was replaced by River’s.

“Yaz?“ River looked at her confused almost as if she was struggling to compute seeing her there. “What are you… I was just putting the kids to bed..“

“River!“ The Doctor yelled, she needed to talk to her, it was tearing her apart being so far away, she wished she could be there. 

“Doctor?“ River’s focus sharpened.

“River, we’re gonna get you out of there but it’s not exactly the most well thought out plan. Please can you tell CAL to trust us and help? She doesn’t know us.“ The Doctor explained. 

“What do you need her to do?“ River asked curious. 

“Well…“ 

“I’m not going to like this, am I?“ She frowned, she knew her wife well enough to figure that out from the sound of her voice. 

“It’s the best I could come up with and it’s a two birds one stone sort of thing.“ The Doctor answered hoping that would convince her. 

“You’re the stone, aren’t you.“ 

“Historically, yes. Yaz has the Cyberium with the Master’s consciousness in a box. It’s the only thing we have right now that has enough capacity to carry a consciousness for any length of time, I promise, I have a plan.“ The Doctor laid out her plan for her.

“Are you sure this is possible?“ River asked after a moment’s silence thinking about it. 

“90%… well 60%… 30% and a snowball’s chance in hell.“ The Doctor tried to play it off with a joke but her anxiousness was noticeable. 

“Doctor, are you sure this is a good idea?“ Yaz asked realising just how dangerous this really was.

“We have one chance, we can’t come back and try again later, it’s now or never River. The Vashta Nerada will swarm the place and I won’t be able to come back.“ The Doctor felt her voice break but did her best to carry on. This was her best chance and it was the only way they stood any chance of reuniting. 

“Fine, okay…“ River said at last. “I trust you.“

“Thank you.“ The Doctor’s voice was soft and slightly teary. “Send CAL back and we’ll get started.“

“Okay.“ River managed a little smile. 

“I love you.“ The Doctor felt the need to say, she didn’t want to entertain the possibility that it wouldn’t work but just in case, she had to say it.

“Just get me out of here you madwoman.“ River smirked and the statue’s head turned again to reveal CAL. 

“What would you like me to do?“ The little girl asked. 

“In that box, there is very sophisticated technology, at the moment it is holding a consciousness. I need you to replace it with River’s. Save this consciousness to your mainframe and place River in the Cyberium so we can take her away. Is that something you can do?“ The Doctor asked. She had thought about this at great length. Technology, even when it was as sophisticated as this, was still just the sum of its parts and within those parts, a consciousness, its energy, would be identifiable. CAL had been able to isolate and save the minds of the expedition team so there was no reason why she should be able to detect the Master’s consciousness now. 

“Theoretically.“ The little girl said. 

“I know it’s a big ask.“

“I can’t guarantee that the transfer will be complete.“ She added. 

“We have to try.“ The Doctor insisted, it was their only hope.

“It is what River Song wants so I am willing to try.“ CAL smiled in agreement. 

“Thank you!“ The Doctor exclaimed in relief. There was something else she had to explain before they could go ahead. “Something you should know about the consciousness you will be taking in…“ She didn’t know how best to put it so she just said it how she saw it. “Please banish him to a contained part of your artificial world, he is dangerous. He will have no power now but you never know… But I can’t just let him die.“ She couldn’t help but think about Missy and the Master admitting that she had turned back to rejoin the fight and stand with him. Missy had had a real chance at redemption then, maybe it wasn’t too late after all. “I still believe he can redeem himself, maybe if he reads enough… I don’t know but at one point I thought I had got my friend back, he had truly changed and I believe he can again. In time.“ 

“I shall keep that in mind.“ CAL said. 

“Sorry. But it’s the safest prison for him.“ The Doctor didn’t like the idea of burdening River’s colleagues with him but she had faith CAL would see to it that he was kept in check.

“We owe you Doctor, we will do this for you.“ CAL confirmed. 

“Right, great, thank you… “ The Doctor sounded relieved. “Yaz go ahead and open the hard drive. Use the old screwdriver I left behind.“ Yaz looked round and pulled out the screwdriver for the computer. She directed it at the box on the floor and it opened releasing the Cyberium, it rose quickly and hoovered in front of Yaz. 

“How will we know if it worked?“ Yaz asked quietly. The Doctor remained silent because she wasn’t too sure herself. There was a tense silence as the Cyberium twisted turned and flickered. For a moment it lit up.

“The transfer has happened, we have the Master with us now.“ CAL said at last and the Doctor and Yaz breathed sighs of relief. The only was she could know it was the Master was if he was actually there. 

“We can’t check on River until we have a stasis field.“ The Doctor said unhappy with just having to trust the process. She didn’t want to imagine what being inside the Cyberium was like, having no shape, no voice, but she couldn’t worry about it now. It was only temporary, she told herself. “Thank you CAL, you have been brilliant! Yaz, close the box, safer to travel with.“ Yaz used the screwdriver again and the Cyberium was pulled in by a whirlpool as it had done before. She picked it up and placed it in her coat pocket. 

——

“CAL, before we go, quick question.“ The Doctor said leaning back in her chair relaxing at last. “Is the Doctor there still.“ 

“The Doctor has left the library.“ The little girl answered. 

“Brilliant!“ The Doctor exclaimed sitting forward. “Time to go. Yaz, get them to teleport you to the shuttle, I’ll be there to pick you up momentarily!“ She turned the walkie talkie off and jumped to her feet. “Tasha, been a pleasure, till next time.“ She pressed a quick kiss to her cheek. “Dorium, let’s go.“ She picked up the head in his box. “Got to run.“ 

“I hope you have a plan, Doctor.“ Tasha said watching her hurry out of the control room.

“I always have a plan.“ The Doctor was halfway to her Tardis already. 

“The cyberium is not a toy, I hope you know what you’re doing.“ Tasha called after her. 

“So do I. So long Tash!“ The Doctor slammed the Tardis door shut behind herself and launched the Tardis into the time vortex to pick everyone up.

——

“What are you planning?“ Graham asked as they stepped out of the Tardis on what they realised to be Maldovar. 

“Why are we back here?“ Yaz was just as confused.

“Since I found out River was heading for the Library I’ve being thinking about how to undo the inevitable… I’ve made some arrangements.“ The Doctor answered as she carried her wife’s body out of the Tardis. She refused to let anyone else do it, this was her responsibility. 

“While we were talking to the green priest.“ Yaz confirmed and the Doctor nodded. “You do think of everything Doctor, don’t you.“

“I’m glad you don’t know how much of what has happened I’ve improvised.“ The Doctor mused as they made their way to a hut. 

“You mean you didn’t plan to exchange the cyanide?“ Yaz asked.

“How? I only found out it was chemical conditioning while we were there.“ The Doctor replied and knocked the door with her foot. 

“You are quick on your feet aren’t you.“ Graham observed with a chuckle. It was funny now that it had all worked out, it wouldn’t have been funny to know that at the time. 

“We’ll see how quick.“ She mused as the door opened.

“You again.“ The Maldovan frowned at her. 

“So that thing we talked about? It’s time.“ The Doctor answered stepping past him to carry River inside. 

“Put her on the table.“ He gestured towards what looked like an operating table. “Have you got the payment?“ The Doctor handed over a little bag and he had a look inside to confirm it was what they had agreed upon. “It will take 3 years.“ He informed her and put the bag in the inside pocket of his coat. 

“Get what you need from her and I’ll take her body back.“ The Doctor said and he nodded.

“As you wish.“ He got to work and the Fam crowded closer around the Doctor in visible discomfort. The place was creeping them out. There was strange medical equipment everywhere, it reminded them of some sort of science fiction horror movie. 

“What is he doing to her?“ Graham asked.

“Is he like some kind of alien Dr. Frankenstein?“ Ryan added. 

“You can take her now, I have my samples.“ The Maldovan said after a period of tense silence. 

“What did he even take? She looks the same.“ Yaz observed as he stepped away from her body carrying several vials and little containers. 

“A Time Lord's body is a miracle. Even a dead one. There are whole empires out there who'd rip this world apart for just one cell.“ The Doctor answered, she didn’t want to look to closely, it was still surreal to see her wife’s lifeless body. “Her words, not mine. But it applies to her too, she’s close enough. He’s taken DNA samples and various cells.“ The walked over to the table. “3 years to the day?“ She confirmed.

“Yes.“ He nodded. 

“See you then.“ She lifted River’s body up and carried her back to the Tardis. Three years was an easy feat for a time traveller, the Maldovan however, was almost surprised at her punctuality when they returned so promptly three years later. 

“I assume you have what I am here for?“ The Doctor asked as she stepped back into his shop. 

“This way, I believe you will find everything to your satisfaction.“ He lead the way to a back room, he flicked on the light to reveal several slabs with bodies of different sizes on. He manoeuvred them to the one on the far right side. “I don’t know what you plan on doing with a body without consciousness, you don't seem like the usual kind that demands a body… I hope it is what you’re looking for, it is an exact replica.“ The figure on the slap was River. Not a mark on her. An exact copy of the River that had departed to the Library and not returned. The Doctor walked up to the slab and surveyed her. She was breathing, she was warm, she was just not conscious. 

“Thank you.“ She said.

——

“Right then, moment of truth…“ The Doctor took a deep breath as she carefully lay the clone on the floor in the Tardis’s console room. She grabbed a blanket from under the console to preserve some of her dignity. Clones weren’t usually delivered with clothes. 

“You really think you can just transfer a consciousness into a random body?“ Yaz was doubtful. 

“No, even I don’t know how to do that… taking the easy way out… “ The Doctor answered and got the hard drive out of her pocket and placed it on the floor. “Maybe not the best idea in the world but at least we know it works and there is no consciousness in there to compete with.“ She soniced the box and it released the Cyberium. The others all stepped back, worried it might somehow come for them but it didn’t. Instead it moved towards the River clone. Maybe River was slightly in control of the tech after all. Then with a jump it dove into the clone’s hand.

River gasped and sat up as if someone had just thrown a bucket of water in her face. 

“It worked!“ Yaz exclaimed in relief, she looked at the Doctor who stood rooted to the spot, almost as if she was keeping herself from believing it was real until she was sure this was actually River, her River, complete and whole inside that new body. 

“Well don’t just stand there sweetie.“ River said touching her hand to her throat as if she was trying out the new voice she pulled the blanket around herself realising her state of undress. “Looks like you’re not a widow after all.“ She gave her a half smile that finally pulled the Doctor out of her trance. The Doctor covered the short distance to her in a flash and fell into her waiting arms. River pulled her close and kissed her overwhelmed by the urge and need with which her wife kissed her back. “I can’t believe you pulled this off.“ River whispered as they parted for air. She took a deep breath, still not quite believing that she was here. She reached out and wiped tears of joy and relief off the Doctor’s face. “Guess that snowball’s chance in hell really tipped the balance, hm?“

“How are you feeling?“ The Doctor asked softly.

“Alive.“ River chuckled which was about all she cared about right now. 

“I mean, with the Cyberium, is it…“ The Doctor didn’t really know how to phrase her question. 

“It’s there, I can feel it, it has its own sort of consciousness… it’s easier now in a body with senses, when it was just the Cyberium it was disorienting, it was like having a whole different set of senses that I couldn’t process, but I’m in control now.“ River said slowly, as if still accessing the situation herself. 

“I’m sorry, it was the only thing I could think off… I don’t know how else to transfer your consciousness.“ The Doctor admitted. 

“I will get used to it.“ River smiled. 

“Are you sure?“

“It’s no different from keeping my darker instincts in check, I will get used to it. I have a lot of practice at resisting my subconscious now.“ She winked at her. 

“Maybe one day we can find a way to separate you…“ The Doctor mused. 

“Easier said than done, also you would have to find another safe place to keep the Cyberium to keep it from falling in the wrong hands.“ River pointed out. 

“There is no-one I trust more than you.“ The Doctor took her hands in hers. “I guess you’re the true guardian now.“

“I’m guessing that’s meant to mean something but I don’t get it. Either way, I will keep it safe. My trade off for a second chance.“ She squeezed her hands and look over to her old body which lay a few meters from her. Despite seeing the consequences of her actions, she knew if put to the test, she would make the same choice again. Slowly she got up, needing a moment to find her balance. She struggled a lot less than she had anticipated at getting used to this body, it was after all an exact copy of her. “This is rather surreal…“ River walked up to her dead body.

“Well I… didn’t know what to do with it… timelord DNA… it’s precious cargo.“ The Doctor said. 

“Well what do you usually do with dead bodies?“ River asked looking down at herself.

“You bury them?“ Yaz offered an option and River nodded. 

“And I know just the place.“ 

——

“Manhattan? Why Manhattan?“ Ryan was confused, out of all the places in the universe, she could have chosen anyway but they had come to twenty-first century Manhattan. The graveyard they had landed in way deserted which made digging a grave a lot easier. 

“My parents are buried here.“ River answered as she surveyed the hole they had dug. 

“Your mother was a friend of the Doctor’s right? Dorium said.“ Yaz asked carefully, not sure how willing she would be to talk about it. River nodded. 

“My father too. They both travelled with him. That was a very long time ago…“ She looked around for the Doctor. She hadn’t exactly participated in the funeral preparations, instead she had sought out Amy and Rory’s grave. Now she sat in front of the gravestone, River pretended not to listen but she could make out the Doctor’s words quite clearly as she was only a couple of meters from them. 

“Please don’t be mad Pond. I did the best I could. She’ll be fine. I’ll make sure of it. She was magnificent, saved all those people… stupid and stubborn too but that runs in the family doesn’t it…“

“Should we get started? Graveyards give me the creeps.“ Graham said.

“Doctor?“ Yaz looked around for her. 

“I think they’re waiting for me… I miss you two. My Ponds…“ She pressed a kiss to her fingertips and touched it to the top of the gravestone as she got up. Then she went to join the others.

“How are mum and dad?“ River asked taking her wife’s hand to give it a little squeeze. 

“Probably really pissed off that I didn’t look after you better. Plus Amy is questioning my fashion choices, I can feel it… Are we ready?“

“Ready when you are love.“ River smiled and the Doctor nodded. None of them were particularly sure how to do this, there seemed to be little need for ceremony or sentiment when the person they were burying was not only not dead but also standing right here with them. They placed her body inside and Graham and Ryan reached for the shovels to fill the hole in. 

“Hang on, just one second…“ The Doctor stalled them for a moment and let go of her wife’s hand to search her pockets. She pulled out her diary. 

“Mine probably remained at the Library…“ River mused raising her eyebrows at her.

“We have no need for them anymore.“ The Doctor explained with a hopeful smile. “No more looking back at what was and worrying about what is yet to come…“ She bent down and placed the diary on her wife’s old body. “We’re all straightened out, no more muddled up meetings, no more spoilers.“

“All this time, you always knew I was going to come to the Library to my death and you never told me.“ River said, it was more of a statement than an accusation.

“How could I?“ The Doctor replied quietly without looking at her as the boys started filling in the hole.

“I’m sorry you had to carry that with you this entire time…“ River took her hand again giving it a comforting squeeze. 

“Admittedly, it would have been easier if I had known I’d be able to find a way out of it.“ The Doctor chuckled. When Ryan and Graham had finished, she turned to the gravestone belonging to Amy and Rory and directed her screwdriver at it to etch one more name into it. 

Melody Pond Williams   
Beloved daughter and wife  
Off to travel the stars

“I love you too.“ River said as she wrapped her arms around her wife who looked at her a little confused. “You said you loved me before the teleport into the Cyberium and I didn’t say it back because I didn’t want it to feel like it wasn’t going to work and you were saying goodbye. So I just wanted to say now, I love you too.“ The Doctor chuckled.

“Well, good.“ She pressed a sweet kiss to her lips and they untangled themselves to make their way to the Tardis. 

“So what are you planning to do now that you have a new lease on life?“ Yaz asked following them. 

“Oh I don’t know… there is a pile of exam papers on my desk that need grading…“ River sighed. It wasn’t the most exciting of activities but she felt she could do with the downtime before the next adventure, 

“How about a trip in the box, destination of your choice?“ The Doctor offered.

“Nah… it’ll get crowded in there, take me back to Luna and go on an adventure with your friends. Just be home for tea?“ River winked and the Doctor smiled. She placed her hand against her cheek and stood on her tiptoes to press a loving kiss to her lips. 

“That sounds like a good idea.“

“Doctor?“ Graham tried to catch her attention. 

“Not now, Graham…“ The Doctor mumbled before kissing River again. 

“Doctor!“ Graham’s voice was more insistent that time. 

“I said not now.“ She didn’t want the perfect moment ruined. 

“No, seriously Doctor, I think those statures are moving.“ Yaz interjected and River and the Doctor broke apart to turn around. 

“What?“ The said in unison. 

“Damn, they were meant to be stuck in the past, how are they…“ The Doctor realised as she saw the weeping angles. 

“We need to set up a quantum lock, we can’t have them flooding this time zone as well.“ River voiced what they were both thinking. 

“Maybe not time for boring teaching life just yet?“ The Doctor grinned feeling a wave of excitement. 

“Maybe later, we have the rest of eternity, what’s another adventure?“ River smirked. 

END.


End file.
